


Together

by Quackyeon



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Domestic, F/M, Fluff, Life AU, M/M, Marriage, Masturbation, Mpreg, Multi, Pregnancy, Slice of Life, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Pregnancy, Wedding, awkward fights, botp, bros, deeply in love, long fic, seahorse father
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 02:20:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7489542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quackyeon/pseuds/Quackyeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As they grew up the bond between Hongbin and Wonshik wasn't breakable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Together

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, I would like to thank the mods for running this exchange and also L, W and P for giving me the confidence to write, even though i was petrified of the reactions. A giant shout out to P who held my hand the whole time I wrote this, and also put up with me sending them completely out of context parts. I literally could not have done this without their support (and occasionally they were the only reason I was carrying it on as they kept giving me the confidence to finish this).
> 
> While I am a trans male myself, I cannot say that my experience is the only way to experience this, however, this made the issues brought up in this fic something i wanted to explore and try to communicate as these are issues within the community. Sea horse fathers is the name given to men who choose to carry their children. I did plenty of research into this side of the community as my personal experience does not include this .
> 
> Thank you for reading my fic (my baby), I hope you enjoy it.

Wonshik hadn't _felt different_ growing up, the way that all the books and the posts online talked about. He'd never felt like there was anything that was particularly unusual about him. Maybe he was looking at the world wrong? He never felt like he wasn't the same as the other boys he'd grown up with. Wonshik knew a lot of people didn't think he was 'normal' per se, but he didn't care. Well not anymore. He was ten when he first had a crush on a man. He was some actor on a program that Wonshik didn't remember the name of. He didn't have to, it wasn't like he was ever going to find the actor again. He didn't care, about his first crush, he hadn't felt ashamed at age ten that he liked another man. It was his mother that had sat him down and told him that he needed to be careful who he told. It was then that he started pushing his feelings down. He didn't want to talk about it with anyone, he intentionally avoided the boy in his class who made him blush when they were thirteen. He didn't even tell his mother about him, Wonshik wasn't ashamed of it - he just knew his mother would tell him he needed to keep it a secret. Although, his mother by this time had assumed there wasn't another crush on a man and it was _just a phase._

Wonshik was relatively quiet in high school, he didn't draw unnecessary attention to himself, he was busy working on making his college applications look good, maybe he would find it easier to be himself there. Although, in saying that he'd got pretty used to ignoring his feelings, he didn't know how he was going to deal with them. He knew that no matter who he liked he wasn't going to be able to talk to them, to tell them how he felt and date them. He ended up liking his best friend Hongbin. He was sixteen, lying in his bed on his back. He hated that the other was taking over his mind, his hand was around his cock, slowly pumping it as he thought about all the things he wished he could do with Hongbin, and just thinking about Hongbin, how he looked when they had swimming practice, as they were both on the swim team. Wonshik groaned a little, Hongbin in those tight speedos - just the image was driving him crazy. He tightened his hand around his length. He arched his back slightly speeding up his movement, all the while he was thinking about his friend. He came, and closed his eyes, sated. 

It didn't take too long after the relaxation that came with climax was overshadowed by overwhelming guilt. He couldn't believe he did that thinking of his friend, and this wasn't the first time. He dragged himself out of bed after wiping it with himself with some tissues. He got in the shower, putting it on as high as he could stand. He knew this was ridiculous but the hot water on his skin took his mind off everything. He ran his hand through his hair, he washed his hair and then got out, drying himself off and pulling on his uniform for school. He walked to school pretty slowly. He had enough time to get there before the bell and honestly he didn't want to be too early. He got in and noticed that Hongbin was also early. He tensed a little before going in and sitting next to the other. 

Hongbin was nice - he was Wonshik's best friend and had been since he was seven. Hongbin also had a rather pretty girlfriend, Wonshik really liked her but obviously his own feelings for Hongbin did make him a little awkward around the woman. He knew that the other boy wanted him to get on a lot better with the girl but it was just a little bit harder than expected. Wonshik had never wondered if the other had even and inkling about what the difficulty was. He liked the idea that Hongbin was oblivious to what he was, it made him feel a little bit safer about how much he wanted to be with Hongbin.

He knew that if he ever told Hongbin about how he felt that it would make things a little weird but that when it came down to it that they'd be best friends still. Wonshik wasn't going to tell anyone how he felt about Hongbin. He didn't know if it was even possible for him to start voicing his feelings about things like this. He didn't know how he could even voice how he felt, he didn't have the words to say. There were no words he could even say. 

Wonshik was seventeen when he and Sanghyuk began hooking up in secret. Wonshik found the other breath taking. Hongbin had started seeing his girlfriend, Jisook more often and Wonshik was pretty sure that his past feelings for him had been a little blip in his history. He didn't know why Sanghyuk even looked at him - and this was the first time someone had ever reciprocated his feelings. He would kiss Sanghyuk until they were both breathless behind closed doors, usually Sanghyuk's room, on his nice double bed. They would kiss each other, touch - explore each other's bodies and their own feelings. It was something that Wonshik had never really thought of doing. He never imagined that this was how he was going to end up, he always thought he'd just continue on through high school just keeping everything secret, not that this was out in the open - but someone knew he was gay, and that was something he had never anticipated. 

He liked being pushed up against something and kissed hard. He did wish that his first kiss had been slow and romantic but it had been hard and fast. Sanghyuk had kissed him with desperation, there was a chance they could get caught and it scared Wonshik. He let Sanghyuk lead, it was always Sanghyuk that pulled him into the closet, or room. Wonshik didn't even realise that Sanghyuk was ashamed of what they were doing - well not at first. Sanghyuk was like a drug, Wonshik just couldn't get enough of him. 

He'd never told Hongbin - because that would mean having to tell him that he was gay - and that wasn't something he was going to be willing to do. He hadn't told anyone, so he never questioned the secrecy that Sanghyuk operated under. He didn't think it was weird that Sanghyuk would ignore him at school unless they were in a classroom - or in the changing rooms alone together. Wonshik didn't mind, he didn't want anyone to know either. 

As they began to make out more and more frequently and the touches began to get more and more sensual Wonshik began to wonder if it was right to keep it all a secret. He began thinking about coming out, about telling people that he was in love with another man. Well, he thought he was in love with Sanghyuk, but then he had never really known what love was. It was the kind of love that was all consuming, it was a fire and it was taking over his whole being. He didn't know if there was enough oxygen in his body to feed the fire or if it would reduce him to ashes. He wanted to be an official boyfriend of Sanghyuk, he wanted to take him to movies and take him ice-skating but he wasn't sure how possible that was, even if he did come out. He had talked to Sanghyuk a few times about it - each time he was rebuffed. Sanghyuk didn't want to come out and he didn't see why they needed to change what they had. He was content and thought that Wonshik should be too, but it was just the way it was and Wonshik accepted it. He was ok not coming out, he believed that their love was going to be enough. That maybe one day, Sanghyuk would change his mind and they'd be able to say they were in love. 

It was a party where Sanghyuk had pulled Wonshik into his room, kissing him until he was breathless, hands fisting in each other's shirts. Wonshik had moved back so Sanghyuk could tug his shirt up. Wonshik was surprised by the noise that came out of his mouth when Sanghyuk started kissing his collarbones, he bit down and Wonshik was pretty sure he was going to die. He let out what could only be described as a whine when the other boy started teasing at his nipples. They were pulled out of the moment when there was a knock on the door. They parted and Wonshik pulled his shirt back on. The door didn't open and Sanghyuk breathed out in relief. 

It wasn't long after they resumed kissing, Wonshik tugging a little on Sanghyuk's shirt that the door was pushed open. Sanghyuk pushed Wonshik back and then his expression turned. "Wonshik, what are you doing? Just because you're _gay_ doesn't mean I am. You can't just force yourself on guys." The person who had opened the door just looked at Wonshik. Sanghyuk fixed his own clothing and just looked at Wonshik as if he really had just forced himself on him. 

Wonshik felt the walls closing in, Sanghyuk had really just done that to him. He moved, he walked through the house, he knew everyone had heard and he knew that there was no getting away from what he was. He was about halfway home when he heard Hongbin calling him. He didn't stop, he didn't want to hear his best friend telling him he was disgusted by him. Hongbin caught up with him and held his wrist to stop him moving. "Wonshik, you're gay?" 

"Yes." He answered, there was no point lying. Hongbin's expression didn't change and Wonshik wasn't sure what was going on inside his best friend's mind. He wondered what the other was thinking, he hoped that he wasn't thinking about how 'wrong' it was for him to want to be with other men. "I'm gay." Wonshik repeated, he wanted to say it out-loud at least once to someone. 

"It was out of order for Sanghyuk to do that to you." He shook his head. "I have half a mind to go back to that party, he's the one who's probably been most into the kissing." 

"How do you know we were-" 

"Please Wonshik, I've known you two were sneaking off together since it began." Hongbin shrugged, "I was just waiting for you to tell me if it was more than just experimenting. So are you both gay?" 

"It doesn't matter." 

"I... Wonshik." Hongbin sighed, "I don't want him to get away with what he just did to you." Hongbin was angry, Wonshik smiled a little and just shook his head.

"It sucks, but I don't want to do that to him." 

School sucked for a while, people said things - which Hongbin always answered back. Wonshik never said anything, the truth was that he was gay and there was nothing he could do to change that. He would sit at the back of the classroom avoiding everyone's eyes, he didn't want to talk to people. He knew a lot of the guys were being weird about him being on the swim team so he stopped going to the big swim team parties. Hongbin always stood by his side and at least that was something. 

It wasn't until everything had died down that Wonshik found himself being pulled into an empty classroom. He stood face to face with Sanghyuk, who took a step closer to kiss Wonshik. Wonshik turned his head. He raised a brow at the hurt expression that was evident on Sanghyuk's face. "What? How did you think we'd be able to go back to before after what you did?" Wonshik shook his head, "you outed me! And you want me to just be ok with that?" 

"It wasn't that bad." Sanghyuk said nonchalantly. "Plus you'd told me that you considered coming out."

"Considered! I was going to do it myself, I didn't need you to decide when the time was right for me to come out." He shook his head. "I could have done that myself." Wonshik shook his head, "But you don't care, do you? As long as no one knows _you're_ gay, it's fine, right?" 

Wonshik turned and left, he didn't need to be dealing with Sanghyuk. He knew there was no future for them, the way things were meant that it would be a secret - which would kind of defeat the point of him being outed. Wonshik might have been many things but he didn't hate himself enough to torture himself trying to get Sanghyuk to acknowledge what they were doing involved feelings. 

Wonshik really fell into his stride when he got to college. He was out - and that really opened him up to the chance of meeting a guy. Hongbin always offered to be his wing-man but they'd established that Hongbin had horrible taste in men and Wonshik was a lot better picking men for himself. Wonshik also had no problem getting men to want to come home with him. He’d lost his virginity to a man named Jongin, he was cute but Wonshik didn’t really think he was all in. He was pretty sure when Jongin had been sleeping with him he’d been thinking of someone else. 

Another highlight of his sexual escapades was when he slept with the star of the school lacrosse team, Kibum. And then the goalkeeper from the lacrosse team Woohyun. Which had surprised Hongbin, he had said that statistically there wasn’t that much of a chance for multiple gay members of a team. He’d also complained that Wonshik shouldn’t be bringing his one night stands back to their room. 

While it was fun, and Wonshik liked the attention, it still left him feeling a little empty. He wanted to be loved, he had always wanted to have a relationship. He just didn’t know where to find the kind of men who wanted to have nights in and watch TV together. He wondered if there was even a man for him out there. He was start to give up on finding his soulmate, his life partner, the guy he was going to grow old with. And then Wonshik looked up one day when Hongbin entered their dorm room. "Wonshik, there is this guy in anatomy class who's gay."

"Congratulations?" Wonshik raised his brow, putting the book he was reading down. "You are aware that just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want to know about every single guy you meet who also likes men." 

"No-No this guy is _perfect_."

"How do you know? Hongbin, please, remember that guy at the bar you'd thought I'd like. The biker." 

"This isn't like that, I promise. His name is Jaehwan - and you know who he is. He's the basketball team. He's the one you told me was hot." Hongbin smiled at Wonshik. 

"You do know you're crazy right?" Wonshik laughed, "how do you know we'd even be compatible? He's hot, but I want to date someone, you know, get to know them, spend all my time with them. I want the whole thing." Wonshik could go out and hook up with guys if he wanted - he knew that - but he wanted something more. He wanted the connection, he wanted to experience dating someone. 

Meeting Jaehwan was weird, at first it was awkward but it didn't take too long for Wonshik and him to get on like a house on fire. Wonshik felt comfortable with Jaehwan and he made him laugh. It wasn't too long until they were dating - they were inseparable and Hongbin had been right, they were a great match. Wonshik felt lucky, he was actually glad sometimes that he'd been outed because he wasn't sure he would have ever had the strength to do it himself. Jaehwan was someone who could always make him smile, even when he was having an awful day. 

Wonshik was on the swim team, until he tore his rotator cuff. It hurt, a lot, to be out of the pool. But Jaehwan was there every single step of the way. Wonshik knew he needed him more at that moment than he'd ever needed anyone. Wonshik came home the day he was told the injury was never going to heal, to find Jaehwan sat on his bed waiting for him to come home. "What did the doctor say?" Jaehwan asked when Wonshik slipped his shoes off and sat next to him in the bed, pulling him down to lie with him. 

"I'm done." Wonshik said quietly. "This is it. I'm not going to swim again." Wonshik wrapped his arm around the other tightly, he closed his eyes. "I'm done." 

"You know you can find something else you love." Jaehwan said quietly. He knew this wasn't what Wonshik wanted to hear right now but nothing he could say was going to heal his rotator cuff. Wonshik was crying silently, and Jaehwan was just holding him close. He might have been shorter but he moved so Wonshik could cry on into his chest. He held him close, rubbing his back gently. 

"I don't want to love anything else." Wonshik cried onto his boyfriend. When Wonshik calmed down he pressed a soft kiss to Jaehwan's lips. "I'm sorry, it's just swimming is... was my life. I used to swim when things got difficult, and it was something that took my mind off everything." 

"But you can still swim, right?" Jaehwan said quietly, "Just not intensely, you can still enjoy the water." 

"It's never going to be the same again." Wonshik sighed, burying his face into Jaehwan's chest again. "I'm never going to be able to swim as well, as fast, as gracefully. It is never going to improve." He wanted to scream but he wasn't going to. He just had to control himself and control how he was feeling at the moment. 

"Hey, it's never going to be the same but everything happens for a reason. You're made for greater things than just swimming and we're going to find it ok? You're going to find out what you're meant to do in this life and you're going to have an amazing life." Jaehwan said quietly, kissing the top of Wonshik's head. Wonshik had no idea what he was going to do but he had to admit that Jaehwan was right, he was never going to make a career out of swimming - he would already be on the Olympic team's radar if that was the case and he knew he wasn't. He didn't know if there was something else out there that he would ever love as much as swimming but he was sure he'd find something.

Jaehwan didn't say anything, he never implied that Wonshik was being ridiculous, and that he should be accepting of how it had gone for him. That he should have considered himself lucky for being able to swim to such a high level in the first place. It was nice, that Jaehwan just accepting that this was something that was more important to Wonshik than breathing and it had just been ripped away from him - there was no way he could ever go back to how it was before and there would always been that void in his soul where swimming used to be. A void that would hurt when he heard about swimming, when he saw on social media people from his old swim teams talking about what they were doing, a void that would hurt when they walked past a pool. It was irrevocable, irreparable and something that maybe in the future Wonshik wouldn't hurt so much just thinking about it. 

It took Wonshik a while to get over the fact that he could no longer swim competitively, Hongbin was talking less about swimming or about the gala’s he was going to, or the fact that he’d taken Wonshik’s place in the relay. He didn’t say anything, they just talked - like they always had - about anything and everything that wasn’t swimming. Wonshik tried to avoid the rest of the swim team - he didn’t want to have to go over his injury, he didn’t want to hear their sympathies, he just wanted to forget everything. He just wanted to be able to move on, to be able to find something else that he loved without being reminded of the thing he grew up doing, the thing that was such a huge part of his life until now. 

Wonshik tried to find something else he liked doing, but it was hard. Nothing was swimming. Nothing filled the void. The void was so glaringly obvious that he didn’t know what he was going to do with himself. He tried to avoid the fact that he had never seen himself doing anything other than swimming but he had no choice now. He had to make do. Wonshik threw himself into supporting Jaehwan’s basketball team. He missed playing sport, but he liked watching his boyfriend be amazing at something. 

Wonshik got back in the swing of living. He was enjoying class and being with his boyfriend. He loved the other. He was falling in love faster and faster with Jaehwan. He didn’t know what he was going to do when they graduated. He wanted to suggest that they moved in together, but he wasn’t entirely sure that that would be something that Jaehwan wanted. Jaehwan still left him alone in the morning more often than not. Wonshik wondered a little if Jaehwan had a reason for doing that, but he didn’t really want to ask. He was petrified of what the answer was going to be. He didn’t want to end up in the same position he was in with Sanghyuk - he was actually in love with Jaehwan so he really couldn’t take the blow that he was ashamed of him. 

Jaehwan sighed one day when they were sat together drinking a coffee. “Everything ok?” Wonshik said quietly, taking a sip of his coffee. “I know you’re working hard on your thesis. Is that all going ok?” 

Jaehwan nodded a little, “Yeah my thesis is going fine. Look Wonshik, I… I don’t know how to tell you this.” Wonshik’s heart sunk deep into his stomach. He had never been dumped before, but this was going to be awful. Jaehwan took a deep breath, “it’s not you it’s me. I am not the kind to cheat on someone and it just isn’t the same anymore. I want to see other people.” 

Wonshik managed to keep it together until he got back to the dorm room. He curled up on his bed and cried until there were no more tears left in his body to cry. Hongbin came in quietly and sighed. “Want me to go punch him or something?” 

“Isn’t that what guys do when someone breaks a girl’s heart.” 

“Technically, I would have done it for anyone you dated, well actually - I wouldn’t punch a woman.” Hongbin shrugged. “But I will punch him.” Hongbin sat down on the edge of Wonshik’s bed. “I really was going to hit Sanghyuk when he outed you all those years ago.” 

“You know if the point was to make me feel better then you’re really not doing a very good job.” Wonshik mumbled, and Hongbin smiled a little. “Plus we both know you wouldn’t actually punch Jaehwan, he could probably take you in a fight. 

“I would, for you.” Hongbin said with a smile, “You’d punch someone who hurt me, even if it would get you beaten to within an inch of your life.” 

“That’s different I fight way better than you do.” Wonshik mumbled.

It was only a couple of months before Wonshik saw Jaehwan on campus kissing a woman. He sighed, he didn’t know quite how to feel about it, sure Jaehwan had mentioned his bisexuality before. When Wonshik got back Hongbin and his girlfriend were both sat on his bed talking. Wonshik was used to her being around - she’d always been around since high school - and Wonshik didn’t mind talking about things with her around. “He’s fucking some girl, with dyed hair and huge boobs.” 

Hongbin raised a brow. “He is Jaehwan right? Or are we just going to be playing the pronoun game all night.” 

“Yes, He is Jaehwan. And he’s fucking some girl with dyed hair and huge boobs.” 

“Yeah, I heard that the first time. While I’m sure she has dyed hair, are her boobs really _‘huge’_? Or are you possibly exaggerating.” 

“OK, so I might be exaggerating - but her boobs are bigger than mine.” Wonshik huffed.

“Look, Wonshik, you told me he was bisexual and you have to accept that is a thing. He likes women as well and there is nothing you can do about it.” 

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” 

“Well no.” Hongbin sighed, “but you can’t change who he is. There are plenty of fish in the sea.” 

“Yes but I want that fish.” Wonshik whined a little. 

Wonshik wasn’t quite sure how it had happened, but he’d ended up getting drunk and calling Sanghyuk. He was so sure that he’d gotten rid of Sanghyuk’s number - but had apparently kept it saved as _Satan_. But how he ended up here wasn’t the problem. He was lying naked next to Sanghyuk, he couldn’t believe they’d slept together. Wonshik couldn’t actually believe that Sanghyuk wasn’t the first man he’d slept with. He wondered a little if he was the first man who Sanghyuk had slept with - but it wasn’t really a topic he wanted to get into with the other - nor a question he wanted to answer. 

It wasn’t too long after graduation that Wonshik got the invite to Jaehwan’s wedding. Hongbin was living with him and Jisook in a small apartment, while they were all trying to get on their feet and move out. Wonshik knew it was only going to be a matter of time before Hongbin and Jisook moved out, probably to start a family. He wasn’t overly concerned, he’d keep the place as a bachelor pad he guessed. It was in a nice area and the place, although small, was nicely decorated, in a secure building and the furniture was new and in perfect condition. He sighed when Hongbin came into his room. “I see he’s getting married quickly.” 

“She’s pregnant, I saw him posting about it.” Wonshik tried not to sound jealous, he couldn’t exactly have given Jaehwan a child - and he wasn’t even sure he was going to have a family with the man he ended up with. He wanted children but he did have to be realistic. 

“Well that’s romantic.” Hongbin shrugged. “Are you going to go?” 

“Yes.” Wonshik said staring at the invitation. Apparently, he was a glutton for punishment. “I just want to see that he’s happy, without me. I just need to find a date to show him that I’m really ok without him.” 

Hongbin nodded a little, “well I’ll go then if you’re going, but unfortunately Jisook is going to be my plus one.” 

“Typical, you’ve got no loyalty.” Wonshik grumbled. 

Wonshik ended up going with Sanghyuk, he’d promised him that no one he knew was going to be there - and that if someone asked he could say that it was just platonic. The truth was he really didn’t want to be alone (and he might get really drunk and horny as he had plans to drink tequila until he was numb). He didn’t want to admit just how much Jaehwan had hurt him. It was his first real broken heart, the first man he had thought about living with, marrying - everything. He just didn’t want to talk about just how deep that knife had cut. He knew he shouldn’t feel worse because Jaehwan was choosing to be with a woman but he was. He felt like he was never going to be good enough for a man to choose him and Jaehwan just fed that belief, no matter how illogical it was in reality.

Wonshik knew that he was stupid to have gone to Jaehwan’s wedding with Sanghyuk and wasn't going to deny that - but he wanted more. Jaehwan had been more than just sex and he didn't want that to be all his relationships were. Sanghyuk was sat in the bed reading, Wonshik lay just watching him. "Sanghyuk." Wonshik said quietly, moving to sit up and kiss the other's cheek. He smiled when Sanghyuk moved to return the peck with a kiss on the lips. Wonshik couldn't deny the way that Sanghyuk made him feel - it had never changed since they were both in high school. “You know we’ve been spending a lot of time together - and not just when we’re having sex.” 

“Yeah, we’re friends.” Sanghyuk said with a little shrug, “of course we spend time with each other when we’re not in bed together.” 

“We could-” 

“Don’t say it Wonshik.” Sanghyuk said with a sigh, shutting his book and putting it down on the table next to his bed. “Look, you’re great. I really like you, and the sex is good. And yeah, maybe in another life we’d be together - but I can’t do it. I’m still not out.” He looked at Wonshik and Wonshik was trying not to appear as if he was hurt in any way by how the other man was acting towards him. “I have no intention to come out - and I know that you want something more than what I can offer.” 

“I don’t understand.” Wonshik managed to say. 

“Look, I’m saying - it’s not that I don’t want to start something with you, it’s just that what I can offer you isn’t what you want, or deserve, Wonshik.” Sanghyuk sighed a little, shaking his head. Wonshik didn’t press the point, choosing to lie back down. 

“I don’t think we should do this again.” Wonshik said softly. Sanghyuk just nodded, which sort of incensed Wonshik even more. He cared that little that ending it meant nothing to him. 

It was about six months later that Hongbin came into Wonshik’s room after work. “Hey, Wonshik, Jisook was thinking that maybe you’d like to meet her friend. He’s really nice, he’s a little shy - they dance together.” Wonshik just looked at Hongbin, trying to think of some excuse not to go, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to meet someone, he just thought that there was going to be no point as he was meant to be alone. “Look, he’s a great guy Wonshik, and I think you’d both be good for each other.” 

Wonshik eventually relented and the next friday he found himself getting ready to go out on a date with a man he’d never met before. Wonshik had never been on a blind date so he was pretty nervous. He’d been texting the man, Hakyeon, for the week and they really connected digitally. Hakyeon was funny, he was intelligent and he loved children. He was also an incredible dancer - well that was information that came from Jisook. They had sent each other photos - and Hakyeon was his type, he had beautiful eyes, although Wonshik thought it was a little creepy to think that about someone he’d never actually met. 

He was nervous as he approached the restaurant. The reservation was under Hakyeon’s name and he soon found himself seated across from the rather attractive man. “Hi, I’m Wonshik.” he offered - although Hakyeon already knew who he was from the texting they’d been doing. 

“I’m Hakyeon.” Hakyeon replied. 

“So you’re close with Jisook right?” Wonshik said with a smile, “she’s currently living with me, well she’s living with Hongbin and he is living with me.” 

“What did she tell you about me?” Hakyeon asked quietly before taking a drink. 

“She just told me you were an amazing dancer - I have to warn you I can’t dance that amazingly. I mean I love dancing but I never went to any classes - I was a swimmer.” 

“Oh you swim competitively?” 

“No.. Well, yes. I used to, but now I just I can’t.” He shook his head a little. “I got injured and then it never healed and I can’t swim like I used to.” 

“If it helps I don’t do dance competitions anymore either.” Hakyeon smiled, “So I really get the feeling.” 

“Injury?” Wonshik shrugged, “It really sucks when that happens.” 

The date went well and Wonshik found himself really enjoying Hakyeon’s company. They left together and they had to walk the same way to start with. It was nice, Wonshik liked walking holding Hakyeon’s hand. He could tell Hakyeon had been a dancer, he walked with a grace that only seemed to be achievable by being a very talented dancer. Hakyeon stopped at the intersection that they were going to have to part at. “Thank you for a really good date Wonshik.” Hakyeon said, Wonshik smiled and before he knew what he was doing he’d leant and given Hakyeon a soft kiss. He smiled more as they parted. “I would really love to see you again.” 

It was as simple as breathing, they’d text when they weren’t at walk and they met for dinner a few times a week, sometimes they’d go for coffee during the day. Wonshik felt like he was consumed by Hakyeon but not like it had been with Sanghyuk, but something softer, something more permanent. It felt good, they were going slow and Wonshik was really enjoying them falling for each other and learning about each other. 

"Look Wonshik, I have to tell you something." Hakyeon said as they sat down for dinner after they'd had a few dates. Wonshik looked over at the man as he adjusted his shirt. He felt anxious about what the other had to say, he didn’t want to end up having to end them before they’d gotten to spend more time together. "I have to tell you because guys can get a little weird about it." Wonshik just nodded, he was curious to find out what was on the other man's mind. "I'm transgender. I was born a woman." 

"Ok." Wonshik said, taking a sip of his wine. "That's ok." 

"Ok? All you have to say is ok?" Hakyeon raised his brow. 

"Well, you're still a man, right? So there isn't a problem." Wonshik looked at Hakyeon and reached to hold his hand. "Look, Hakyeon, I really like you. I don't care what you are." Hakyeon nodded but looked a little surprised, "Then we have no problem." Wonshik wasn't lying, he really didn't mind. It was different - sure - and he wasn't sure what Hakyeon had under his suit, but they weren't sleeping together tonight and he really did like the other. He felt a little incensed that some men made Hakyeon feel bad or were mad about what he was - but it was their loss. 

It was months later that Wonshik had ended up sleeping at Hakyeon's. They didn't have sex - they were still talking about it. Wonshik liked this slow build up, he liked just kissing Hakyeon - although he did want to go further with the other. He moved to face Hakyeon who was just watching him. "Sex... how do you... are you a top, bottom or vers?" Wonshik tried not to cringe at himself. 

"I top." Hakyeon said quietly, "I wear a strap on." Wonshik had guessed that would be how it was done - but he hadn't really wanted to ask the man about it out right. He smiled a little, looking at the other before leaning to give Hakyeon a kiss. 

"Well lucky for you, I'm vers." He laughed before kissing Hakyeon again, "And maybe one day you might trust me enough to let me be on top and I promise I'll make you feel good." Wonshik sighed when the other tensed a little, "I know you don't feel comfortable now, but I'm here for the long run - I don't do relationships unless I think we can really go somewhere." Wonshik was honest, he knew that he could see him and Hakyeon going a long time and there was no point lying about it. "Does it get you off... Sex… The way you do it?" 

"It can do." Hakyeon said quietly. "I don't really get laid often but the... it's also good for me too." Wonshik could feel the heat radiating off Hakyeon who was clearly embarrassed. 

"Good. I wouldn't want to be the only one benefiting" He smiled, "don't be embarrassed, I want to understand everything about us, and then also I want to make sure that our love life is satisfying for both of us. Trust me it would suck for me if you couldn't get off." He curled up a little, letting Hakyeon be the big spoon. He found it was more comfortable for Hakyeon - he moved a little less when it was this way around. 

Wonshik felt like he was getting ready for his first time again. He and Hakyeon had picked a specific date for them to have sex for the first time, it was to ensure that both of them had talked about it enough and that they were going to keep the communication going the whole time. Hakyeon had told him in no uncertainty that at least for now he wasn't going to take the binder off when they were being intimate together. Wonshik didn't care, anything that made his boyfriend feel more confident was always a good thing to him. They had discussed the logistics and where Hakyeon felt comfortable with Wonshik touching. Wonshik was a bit anxious about doing something wrong and upsetting his partner. 

It might have been a bit awkward at first but when they'd finished, Wonshik lying on his back, Hakyeon lying next to him - both of them panting, Wonshik couldn't help but feel it had been so intense and so very intimate. He looked over at Hakyeon before smiling and kissing him hard. Shortly after, Hakyeon got up, walking to the bathroom, Wonshik heard the shower turn on and after a while Hakyeon came out, dressed in his nightwear. Wonshik was sat up in the bed and looked at Hakyeon. Wonshik noticed the other’s chest was unbound - which he was pretty sure the other had always waited until he was asleep to do. “Hakyeon,” He said looking at the other man, “that was really something. You’re amazing.” He mumbled as Hakyeon had lent up to kissing him gently. 

Wonshik had fallen in love, he knew he had completely fallen for Hakyeon. He was sat with Hongbin trying to work out how to ask Hakyeon move in. Wonshik didn't know if Hongbin was the right person to ask about this, but he was hoping that his best friend would have his back on this as well. "So you want to move in with him? Why not just talk to him about moving in together? Or do you not want him to move into your place, Jisook and I moved out a while ago?" 

"My place is a bit small." Wonshik sighed a little, "I always go to his place and I was thinking that we should look for a place together. Find somewhere nice, maybe with a guest room. Do it up nicely, in a style that suits us both." He smiled, just thinking of moving in with Hakyeon. "I just don't know how receptive he's going to be, you know, we've been going slow and this is a big step but you know I really love him." 

Hongbin laughed, "You know he's completely in love with you. My fiance went to dance school with Hakyeon and said that he's never been so obviously in love." They were not best friends but they were pretty close, they grew up next door to each other and danced together - and shared rooms when they’d been on dance tour. Wonshik trusted the words of Hongbin's fiance - after all she was the reason that they had met and the reason this was even happening. "Also you've been together a year soon right? You should ask him." 

"It's one year in a few weeks." Wonshik smiled, he was surprised that he had managed to find someone after how hurt he'd been by Jaehwan - although he knew a lot of that was his own fault. He was just glad that he could trust Hakyeon completely and honestly, he knew that Hakyeon was good for him. Hakyeon made him become the best possible version of himself. 

Hakyeon was excited when Wonshik had suggested the idea of them both getting a place together, and they soon found a nice apartment that they chose to get together. They co-signed for the place so they both had the same rights when it came to their apartment. Moving in together was said to be the most tense part of a relationship but it just felt so completely natural to live with each other. Wonshik learnt that after a long day of rehearsals Hakyeon would forget to feed himself and just pass out in their bed. It was cute, but Wonshik always made sure to wake the man up and give him something at least to keep his blood sugar up. 

Wonshik got used to dealing with Hakyeon when he was having bad days, and he felt like he might be able to start sensing Hakyeon’s bad days. There was no sequence to them, it was just random. It made it hard sometimes, Wonshik would wake up to find the bed empty and Hakyeon standing in front of their mirror, in his binder and boxers, just staring at himself, sometimes he’d cry. Wonshik knew on those days that there wasn’t much he could do, that all he could really offer was comfort. He could just hold him, telling him that he was masculine, handsome, that he was perfect. 

He wasn’t sure that Hakyeon even believed him, but that wasn’t going to stop him. He would do anything it took to keep Hakyeon feeling a little better. Eventually Hakyeon would get out of his arms and finish getting dressed. Hakyeon was not only a dance teacher at a studio, but also a dance teacher in a dance academy. Hakyeon would pull his clothes on, kiss Wonshik and leave. Wonshik would spend the day worrying about if Hakyeon was feeling any better about his body during the day. He’d come home and cook for them and smile when Hakyeon came in - sometimes he felt better, sometimes he didn’t - Wonshik didn’t expect that there was anything that a guarantee to make Hakyeon feel better about himself. 

Wonshik sighed when he came home one day and saw Hakyeon in their bed. He got in the bed and wrapped his arms around Hakyeon. He kissed the back of the other's neck. "Are the cramps really bad?" He said softly, pressing a hand to Hakyeon's abdomen and rubbing it gently. "Yeah I can feel it's tight." He was quiet, he knew that Hakyeon knew what was going on with his body and didn't need the reminder. Wonshik kissed Hakyeon's cheek as he got up really quickly, going to the kitchen and coming back with a drink and some chocolate. "How long have you been lying here?" Wonshik said softly, he eyed Hakyeon and then sighed, "Can you please take off your binder?" He said softly. Hakyeon just looked at Wonshik and then sat up pulling the shirt over his head before pulling off the binder. 

"This is worse." He mumbled, pulling the shirt back on. 

"I know you hate it - but the binder just makes the pain worse." Wonshik had learnt this, his boyfriend knew it too. He was just stubborn. Wonshik kissed Hakyeon, romantically. "My handsome man." Wonshik smiled when he broke the kiss. "I want to follow up at the doctor's Hakyeon." Wonshik said softly. "Let's get you on the hormones you need." He kissed Hakyeon again. He hated that his boyfriend would spend hours like this, hating himself and hating his body. 

"I love you" Hakyeon said quietly, Wonshik smiled, "how are you even putting up with me?" Hakyeon sighed a little, pulling Wonshik in for a deeper kiss. "I promise I'll get it together for tomorrow when your sister comes." 

"You just be you." Wonshik said with a smile, "she loves you anyway and if you're not feeling too great. If you're uncomfortable with yourself, it's fine. I just want you to be comfortable." 

After a couple of hours of just snuggling the weekend away Wonshik smiled getting up to take off his shirt and throwing it in the washing basket. "Are you going to be coming with me to Hongbin's engagement party tonight?" He said quietly. "We need to start getting ready now if we're going to make it in time." 

Hakyeon tensed. "I-I don't think I can." Wonshik just nodded, "Some of his fiance's friends knew me before..." Wonshik nodded again, he knew listening to Hakyeon was a lot easier than trying to press him for information. "And they don't know I'm-" 

"A man?" Wonshik said unbuttoning his shirt. Hakyeon just nodded. "You know you don't have to go if you don't want to. But you're my boyfriend, We've been together a _long_ time. Two years ago when I first met you, you were so shy, so uncomfortable - and I couldn't work out why because you're so handsome. I know we've been fighting for two years to get you on testosterone, but you've got so much more confident in who you are and I could not be prouder. No one is going to say anything today about when they knew the mask. They're just going to be telling me how handsome my boyfriend is." 

"How do you know what to say?" Hakyeon said quietly, getting out of the bed to go and shower. "Oh and I'm going to be wearing my binder - I know you want it off when it's this time but if we're going out I'm wearing it." 

"I know Hakyeon, I know you're gonna wear it. I would never ask you not to. I want what makes you happy." Wonshik sighed a little, he didn't mind what his boyfriend had to do for a sense of normalcy. He didn't care what it took to make his boyfriend comfortable. Wonshik changed out of his resting clothes and into the pants and button up shirt that he was wearing for the party. 

Wonshik parked outside where Hongbin was having his party. Hakyeon looked at Wonshik, who just leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. "You look really handsome. You can do this, you're my boyfriend and as soon as you feel uncomfortable - no matter when it is, or why, we're going to go home ok?" Hakyeon nodded and they got out, walking into the party. Hakyeon gripped Wonshik's hand a little tighter when they walked in and Hongbin approached them. 

"You two made it." Hongbin greeted with a laugh. Wonshik got them both a drink and they talked to a few people that Wonshik had known from high school, before going to stand by themselves for a bit. Hakyeon was shy and Wonshik didn't want him to get too uncomfortable. 

"How are feeling?" Wonshik asked quietly. 

"Fine. I'm doing fine." Hakyeon shifted a little. "The binder-" 

"No, you can't see it, or tell. You look so handsome, no one is even thinking about it." Wonshik pulled Hakyeon closer, he was slightly taller so this was advantageous. He kissed his boyfriend and smiled, "don't worry so much." 

Just then they were approached by two girls, "Han-" 

"Hakyeon" Wonshik said before the could even finish the name that made Hakyeon cringe, but he could sense that Hakyeon was already uncomfortable with this situation. Wonshik looked at his boyfriend who was looking down at the ground like he wanted it to swallow him up. "Look ladies, I'd love to stay and chat but my boyfriend and I have to go." He grabbed Hakyeon's hand and took him to the car. Once they were in the car Hakyeon sat facing the window, not saying anything. Wonshik just drove, when they came to a stop light. "Yeon, you need to talk to me. You told me these people didn't know, so why did you get so upset before you could correct them?" 

"Because they were looking and gossiping before they came over, because they came over to laugh at me." He said, just the thought of anyone doing that to hurt Hakyeon made Wonshik angry. He hated the way that some people thought it was ok to treat his boyfriend like a spectacle of some kind. "I'm sorry. I know Hongbin means a lot to you."

"You feeling comfortable is more important. But Hakyeon, we do need to be at the wedding. I'm the best man." 

"I'll make it through." He said quietly, "suits really mask my body, so I should be more comfortable. And hopefully it won't be this time of the month." 

"Hopefully we'll have gotten you on HRT" Wonshik added. "Because I can't let the doctors ignore this anymore. I've had to watch for two years, and I cannot just standby when there is something that can be done to fix how uncomfortable you are." 

The next day Wonshik got a call from Hongbin, “Is everything ok with Hakyeon? You two left early.” Wonshik sighed a little, Hakyeon was at work so he could talk freely but he didn’t really know what to tell Hongbin. “Did someone say something? Because I will not allow anyone to make you or Hakyeon feel uncomfortable in my house.” 

“Don’t Hongbin, he’s fine. It was nothing, just two girls your fiance knows - they knew him when he was at high school, before he came out. He thought they were gossiping about him, but we never heard them say anything so I don’t know.” Wonshik ran his hand through his hair. “Hakyeon was feeling insecure before we got there. I just think he was already feeling uncomfortable before those girls came over.” 

“I can find out who they were and ban them from coming to anything we host again, if you want me to. You know I want you and Hakyeon to be comfortable.” 

“I know.” Wonshik said with a smile, “I just don’t think he felt comfortable enough explaining himself. He’s my amazing boyfriend, but even I get sick of explaining him to people when he is too shy or uncomfortable about it.” He sighed, “honestly it just makes me want to take him away.” 

“You know you can’t be mad at people for not knowing or understanding, it’s a little new to most people.” Hongbin said softly. “But all that really matters is that you and him are in love. And that you understand him, and what he needs. Which you do, even when he’s having bad days you seem to always know what to do.” 

“I really don’t” Wonshik laughed a little, “there have been a few days where I’ve just wanted to scream what do you want me to do? How can I make it better? At him, but he’s perfect. He’s my man.”

“If you start telling me how much you love him I’m hanging up.” Hongbin teased. “Is he dancing tonight?” 

“He dances most nights at the moment. I think it’s calming for him. He’s working on some big number, but he won’t tell me what for.” 

“Maybe he’s taking strip tease lessons or lap dancing lessons. My fiance took them and it’s seriously hot.” Wonshik could hear Hongbin smirking down the phone. 

“So you know my boyfriend does not need sexy lessons to turn me on - and he’s very sexy as it is. He’s a dancer he knows how to move his body.” Wonshik answered back. “Plus he’d tell me if he was, he’d probably make me go too - he really wants us to take couple dance classes. He thinks it will bring us closer.” 

“Could be fun. Plus you can dance Wonshik, it’s not like you’d be doing something you couldn’t do.” 

“Hilarious, me dancing when I’m drunk doesn’t count as dancing.” Wonshik rolled his eyes when he heard Hongbin laughing at him - probably reliving that night when they were in college and Wonshik had gotten so drunk he’d tried to dance on the table and fell through the table. 

It wasn’t long after that he found out why the other had been working extra long hours and dancing more. Hakyeon came home one night and smiled as he told Wonshik to get changed into something nice. Wonshik was quick to pick out something, Hakyeon also got changed, it wasn’t long after that they started going somewhere, Hakyeon was driving. “Yeon,” Wonshik said quietly, as they were driving. “If you’re talking me to some show your choreographed I really don’t need all this secrecy. Did you finally get a Korean national ballet?” 

Hakyeon smiled a little, “No.” he looked at Wonshik when he pulled up at a stop light. “Don’t take this the wrong way - but if I got to choreograph for the Korean national ballet company we’d be moving. And I’d quit my job at the dance academy, and trust me they need me more than the national ballet do, I have this amazingly talented male dancer, but he just is getting so distracted by teenage drama. He actually has a shot at making it and he cares more about if this girl likes him.”

“Hey you were a teenage dancer once too.” 

“Yes and once I came out I lost my chance to join the national ballet.” Hakyeon answered back. “So he should really take it seriously.” Hakyeon sighed a little, “I just don’t want him to look back on it years later and regret his actions.” 

“Do you regret coming out?” Wonshik asked tentatively. 

“No, I regret not doing it sooner.” He smiled, “I thought if I was one of the best dancers in the whole country they would have to look past it. But it didn’t make a difference, I just spent more years hiding myself than I could have done.” 

“Well they made a stupid mistake not wanting you. And so you know, I’ve seen the old videos of you dancing - I searched for them. You had 4 dance style specialisms, I mean, any company would have killed for you and you just pursued the national ballet.” 

“Because the ballet is the most prestigious” Hakyeon smiled a little. “And I also started ballet first.” 

“Your mom showed me the photo of you at your first recital. You actually still smile the same way when you’re dancing.” Wonshik said with a small smile. 

“Oh that isn’t fair, she showed you my dance photos and you won’t let me see your swimming stuff.” Hakyeon whined a little. 

“You look cute dancing, my swimming - not so cute.” 

“You don’t know I won’t think it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Plus I know you were very good at it.” Hakyeon said as they pulled into a parking lot. 

“I wasn’t olympic good.” Wonshik said looking at the buildings around the parking lot. “I wasn’t even national competition good, like you.” 

Hakyeon laughed melodiously and then parked the car. He got out and took Wonshik’s hand as they walked into the building. Hakyeon took Wonshik up onto the roof where there was picnic blanket and a picnic basket laid out already. “You know, this is a bit much for date night.” Wonshik said with a smile. 

“I know but you once told you wanted to look up at the stars with someone you loved.” Hakyeon smiled as they sat down on the blanket and began eating. Hakyeon had really pulled out all the stops for this date. Wonshik really appreciated this, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was, that even after all this time both of them were still romantic with each other. He never wanted to stop being romantic, he never wanted to stop treating Hakyeon like the prince he was. 

Once they’d eaten they lay together watching the stars. Wonshik lay on his back and Hakyeon lay next to him, his head resting against Wonshik’s chest. Hakyeon liked this position, in a way that he never thought he would. Hakyeon shifted a little and pressed a gentle kiss to Wonshik’s lips. “Wonshik, can we stand for a second my hip is a little numb.” Hakyeon smiled and pulled the other up with him. “Wonshik, can I ask you something?” He said before getting on one knee and getting out a ring box and opening it. “Will you marry me?” 

Wonshik was stunned, he’d never expected it to be Hakyeon who’d propose to him, and he’d been thinking about proposing himself. “Yes.” He smiled. “Yes, I would love to marry you.” Wonshik said as the ring went on his finger and he sealed the deal with a kiss. Holding Hakyeon close to him, even when they parted. “I love you Cha Hakyeon.” 

“I love you too Kim Wonshik.” 

Wonshik was pretty excited, and by that, he went over to Hongbin’s as soon as Hakyeon had left to go to work. It was early in the morning but Wonshik didn’t care. He knocked on the door until a sleepy Hongbin answered the door. “Why are you here?” Hongbin mumbled. 

“Because it’s a glorious day.” Wonshik said brightly, before going in. “Is Jisook around?” 

“She’s asleep. Why are you up?” 

“Hakyeon wanted to go into work early - apparently one of the kids he’s teaching who’s like the bottom ranked one really wants to make a career out of dance so Hakyeon is giving him extra private lessons.” Wonshik shrugged. “Look I’ll make you a cup of tea, go sit down and try to look awake. I have something to tell you.” 

Wonshik came back in with two cups of tea and handed one to Hongbin. “So what is it that brought you to my house at seven am? You do know I should still be asleep until eight. My first lecture isn’t until ten.” 

“Hakyeon proposed.” Wonshik was practically vibrating he was that excited. 

“Oh. Yeah. I know.” Hongbin said with a smile. “It’s great. Congratulations.” 

“You knew?” Wonshik said flatly. 

“Yeah… Should I have not? Do you want to tell me again and I can react surprised.” Hongbin mumbled taking a sip of his tea. “Look, Hakyeon told Jisook, he wanted to make sure that it was perfect so Jisook asked me if I thought he should - and I knew that you wanted to ask him. So I told her that I thought it would be a good idea. However, when I told her last night that I thought Hakyeon should propose, she told me he was going to do it regardless of what I thought.” 

“So he asked for help and then just decided to do it?” Wonshik smiled a little. “Aw, he does love me.” 

“Mhm. Love. It’s all really nice and warm. But not a reason to wake me up at seven am.” Hongbin mumbled. “Although it is a better reason than when you woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me if I had a condom you could borrow.” 

“You would have been upset if you weren’t the first person I told about the engagement and you know it.” Wonshik said with a smile, “you love me.” 

Wonshik returned to his day happy. He couldn't believe that he was engaged, and that his boyfriend - _fiance_ \- had proposed to him. He was floating on cloud nine. He was stunned that he had finally reached some form of normal. He told his family over the phone and hoped that Hakyeon had done the same. Wonshik liked Hakyeon's family but he had a brother who was fourteen years older and was insanely protective over their younger sibling. Wonshik understood, he really did, he had a younger sibling and he understood wanting to protect your siblings but he was also kind of afraid of Hakyeon's older brother. 

Hakyeon's family took the news well, more than well. They were delighted. Hakyeon's mom already treated Wonshik like he was part of the family so, really this was just going to make it all official. Wonshik knew just how lucky he was, he had the most wonderful fiance and to add to that his in-laws were also great. He couldn't wait to become _Cha_ Wonshik. They had discussed who's surname was going to be taken and come to the conclusion that it would be Hakyeon's, it was a rarer name and also Hakyeon was already established in the dance world so would have to keep his professional name. Hakyeon was on HRT and they were talking about when they were going to do his chest surgery, life was pretty much perfect.

Wonshik went into the bathroom after he'd been called in, "I'm pregnant." Hakyeon said, staring at the pregnancy test. "I'm pregnant." He looked up at Wonshik. "How did this- We're careful, you always wear a condom, how could you have done this!" He threw the test across the bathroom. Wonshik cringed when it hit the wall and he was pretty sure it broke. "This isn't supposed to happen. We always use protection when you..." Wonshik could see Hakyeon was in the middle of a breakdown but he couldn't say anything he was shocked. "Did you do this intentionally?" Wonshik shook his head, he knew it was better to let Hakyeon go through his meltdown. "How could this happen? How can I be pregnant?" Wonshik just stood watching his boyfriend, he wanted to go over and hold him but he didn't know if that would be well received considering this was something that he'd had a part in causing. Hakyeon stopped, suddenly calming down "We're having a baby," he looked at Wonshik, "How are we going to do this?" 

"If you want, we can end this, we're early." Wonshik started, "I won't think any different of you, I support you whatever you want." Wonshik was genuine, he didn't want Hakyeon to get rid of their baby - but he also didn't want Hakyeon to suffer for nine months and struggle with his own demons. He was worried about what both would mean for Hakyeon's health but he knew that really it was Hakyeon's choice. 

"I'm keeping our baby." Hakyeon said quietly, protectively "I always wanted a family and we talked about having kids in the future. I mean we talked about adopting, but in nine months we're going to have a baby. I guess." He said almost not believing it was really happening. Wonshik just nodded, he was trying to work everything out and he was just concerned about how the other was going to feel when the pregnancy got further.

"What about you?" Wonshik said quietly, "Are you going to be ok with the changes that will happen to your body? We're going to get to a point where you won't be able to hide the pregnancy and it won't look like you're fat. And we're going to have birthing class and other things." 

"Wonshik." Hakyeon's tone was one that Wonshik recognised, it was when the older was unsure as to what Wonshik really wanted. He knew Hakyeon wanted to keep this baby, but he knew it was going to be hard going on the older, he didn't know if it was going to be bearable for Hakyeon to be pregnant. 

"I'm not trying to make you change your mind, I just need to know that you're going to be ok with this, that you're going to be ok with how for a few months you're not going to have the body you want." 

"Wonshik... I have no choice. This is our baby, we made something and I can't put myself before the baby." He spoke softly. "I'm going to have to come off testosterone. And push my surgery on my chest back." He nodded a little. "But we're going to be ok, we're going to be fine. I'm going to be fine." 

Hakyeon went quiet after that for the rest of the day. He just sat grading performances from his class in bed, not talking to Wonshik, unless he came in to offer to make him a drink. Wonshik decided to give Hakyeon some space. That night when he came to bed he noticed Hakyeon was already under the blankets. Wonshik sighed getting in and wrapping his arm around the other man’s waist. Hakyeon shifted slightly, turning to face Wonshik. “I’m sorry Hakyeon.” Wonshik said softly. “We always use protection but it must’ve failed. I never wanted to put you in this position.” 

“I know Wonshik.” Hakyeon said quietly. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose. But maybe everything happens for a reason. I know you might suggest terminating our pregnancy but I cannot put myself above the life we created.” Hakyeon kissed Wonshik’s lips softly. “It’s going to be hard, I know it’s going to be so hard. I know there are going to be days where I hate myself, but I want our baby. It’s going to be the only biological baby we have.” 

“I can do this if you can do this.” Wonshik said softly. “I can do anything with you.” He kissed Hakyeon and then pulled him close for a hug. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Hakyeon said, moving to shift closer, wrapping his arms around the other and hooking one of his legs over the other’s hips. Wonshik secretly loved this position more than most when it came to Hakyeon sleeping on him. He liked to feel that Hakyeon wanted to be as close to him as he could get. That he didn’t care that Wonshik could feel his body, even the parts he didn’t like - but he knew that Wonshik loved him and his body regardless of what he looked like. “I really love you Wonshik.” 

Wonshik bought pregnancy bibles, he was pretty obsessed, he was trying to find out everything he could - so he could help his boyfriend. Hakyeon dealt with the morning sickness without many complaints, he only complained when he was starving but everything made his stomach turn. Wonshik also learnt that morning sickness was not confined to just being in the morning as he came home quite a few evenings to find Hakyeon hunched over the toilet bowl. Wonshik worried about his fiance's morning sickness but the doctor insisted it was normal. 

Hakyeon took Wonshik's hand as they lifted the shirt to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Wonshik gripped tight to Hakyeon's hand as the heartbeat echoed around the room. Wonshik looked at Hakyeon who was crying, he mouthed I love you before kissing the back of Hakyeon's hand. They saw the image on the screen, it was tiny, a little bean inside Hakyeon. Wonshik fell in love with their little bean at that moment, he was so in love with their baby. He was pretty sure that Hakyeon felt the same but he didn't say anything. 

Hakyeon was quiet when they left, Wonshik took him to a cafe and they sat there sipping at their smoothies. "Yeon? Is everything ok?" Wonshik wasn't sure what could be wrong, but he knew that if it was something serious his fiance would tell him. Hakyeon just nodded, "What is it? I mean I know you're quiet when you’re thinking but you're not _this_ quiet." 

"It's really a baby. I'm really pregnant. It's really growing inside me." He said his eyes watering a little before he looked down, wiping his eyes. "I... am really doing this. It just hit me. Our baby is inside _me_. They need me, and it's all just so real, Wonshik." Hakyeon looked up at the other. "We're really going to be parents." 

"Yeah. But you have to admit our baby has a really cute heartbeat." Wonshik took a sip of his drink. "You know we can do this. We can have a baby. We're the dream team Hakyeon." Wonshik looked at the man and smiled, "Plus our baby has two dads who love them very much, and that's all we need." 

"We need a lot more than just love Wonshik." Hakyeon said, "Are we going to-" 

"Yes, don't worry. I have it covered." Wonshik smiled, "We're going to make our guest room into the little one's room." Wonshik had been working everything out - in order to try to take as much stress as possible away from Hakyeon. They had decided that they were going to do a gender neutral theme first, and Hakyeon had picked zoo animals. Wonshik loved finding zoo themed items for their child and was working on hand painting a crib for them. He had so much planned and working together with Hakyeon was making picking things out for their babies nursery a lot easier. "I'm also going to get a new car so it's safer for our baby. And I’ve found a crib, and a car seat. We’re going to have everything. I have everything under control.” 

“You don’t have to do all that.” Hakyeon smiled at his fiance. “I mean, we should do it together as well. I know I’ve not been the greatest on the baby front - but I am trying. It’s just kind of hard to get into this when I just feel like my body is out of control.” Hakyeon shook his head. “But today, hearing our baby’s beating heart, I knew I made the right choice. It’s just hard, sometimes.” 

“I know.” Wonshik said quietly, “and I would do anything to take that away from you and make this easier for you.” 

“I love you,” Hakyeon said with a small smile. “I know you’d do anything for me and our baby, and I really do appreciate it and you.” He leaned to hold Wonshik’s hand. “I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if you weren’t the best thing that had ever happened to me.” 

They we sat at home a few months later, Hakyeon was having less morning sickness but his insecurities were getting more prominent. It was getting more uncomfortable to bind and the baby was growing. "Maybe we should move our wedding forward." Hakyeon said quietly, playing with his engagement ring. Wonshik knew that the other had been thinking about their relationship recently. But he didn't think that the other was going to be asking him to move the wedding forward. 

"I thought we were waiting until you were legally Hakyeon." Wonshik said looking over at the man, "Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean we should move it up. I want our wedding to be perfect - I'm only going to be getting married once." He paused, "and you didn't want me to have to say your old name - which I'd have to do in the wedding." 

"I just thought... because you want to change your surname to Cha so that when the baby is born it's not going to have a different name to you." He said quietly. "I don't want you to be left out." Hakyeon mumbled quietly. 

"You also don't want me to call you Han-" 

"Stop." Hakyeon said "You made your point, it was a stupid idea." 

"Yeon, I want to marry you - but I want to do it the right way. Using your name." Wonshik said quietly. "Once you start back on testosterone we can really push that legal process and hopefully be married before baby Cha says their first word." 

"You can tell Hongbin I'm pregnant." He said quietly, "I'm well into my second trimester and I'm going to be showing soon." He looked at Wonshik, "I want everyone to know. Our families already know and we should tell our friends too. But I don't want a baby shower - or anything like that. I just want it to be quiet, just tell them over the phone or something." 

"We're not doing that," Wonshik said quietly. "We're inviting our close friends over and telling them in person that we're going to have a baby." He knew that Hakyeon didn't want anything big, but Wonshik didn't want to call everyone and tell them, it was a lot more polite for them to do it this way, and honestly he didn't think that there was anything that either of them should be ashamed of when it came to their baby. 

The day of the party Wonshik could tell Hakyeon was nervous, the bump was small, he was barely showing but he was still conscious of it. Wonshik kissed the other's cheek. "You look fine." He said softly, "You don't even look a little pregnant." 

"I gained baby weight on my face, and my hips are wider-" 

"Shush Hakyeon, you need to stop being so hard on yourself, your face is perfect and I didn't even notice your hips and I look at you all the time." Hakyeon just rolled his eyes. Hongbin was the first to arrive with his wife, he hugged both men and Hakyeon tensed a little, in case he felt the baby. If he did, he didn't say anything. Hakyeon watched Wonshik joking around with his best friend and couldn't help but smile, maybe it was the pregnancy hormones but he couldn't believe how lucky he was to have this man to be with him. 

"Ok everyone" Wonshik said standing on a chair to be seen. Everyone had arrived and the party was in full swing. "Hakyeon and I have some news to tell you." He paused and looked at Hakyeon to check that this was still what he wanted. Hakyeon nodded. "We're pregnant. Hakyeon is pregnant." He said before stepping off the chair to kiss Hakyeon gently. No one said anything about Hakyeon being pregnant - they just congratulated the couple, telling them they'd be wonderful parents and that the baby was lucky. 

It was the next day that Hongbin had called Wonshik to meet him in a cafe. "Pregnant." Hongbin said flatly. Wonshik had known being called to go out for a coffee with his best friend wasn't going to end well. "You have to be kidding me. Jisook and I have been trying for so long to have a baby, and you oh so casually knock up your boyfriend." 

"Hongbin." Wonshik said cautiously, "We didn't try to get-" 

"Obviously, you didn't try to knock him up but you did." 

"I, we, it was unexpected and we thought we'd prevented it." 

"You're not making this easier. So now not only were you not trying, you were actively trying _not_ to get pregnant." 

"Look, I'm sorry your wife isn't pregnant. I'm sorry Hongbin - and I will never be able to feel the way you feel. I know that we were exceptionally lucky to get pregnant and I know that despite it not being our intention that we are doing the best we can for the baby. I didn't do this on purpose - I didn't do this to hurt anyone and Hakyeon definitely had no intention of ever having a baby." 

"I-I know, It's just not fair." Hongbin sighed. "It's not fair because I'm not happy for you, well I am, but that happiness is tinged with an ugly jealousy." 

"I honestly don't... I never wanted this to happen." Wonshik said quietly. 

"I'm going to be honest, you knew doing, well you acted to make that baby Hakyeon is carrying." 

"I-I know. I get that. We had sex, but we always used protection. I never wanted to put him in a position like this. I am hurting him by doing this to him." 

"And you both decided against termination?" 

"Hakyeon didn't even want to consider it. I understand he doesn't want to put his life before our kids but it's hurting him now. It was an easy thing to say before he started getting bigger." 

"Wonshik" Hongbin said very carefully. "Did you not want him to keep the baby?" 

"Don't." Wonshik stared at his friend. "Do not make this conversation into that." 

"Why? Because you _didn't_ want him to keep the baby? And now you feel guilty?" 

"Hongbin, it wasn't that easy, it's not like any of this is normal." Wonshik looked down at his coffee. "Look, it's not that I don't want a baby - so spare me your 'I would kill for a baby speech' - it's just, this has implications for Hakyeon. And he wasn't - he was flustered and he wasn't thinking when he decided to keep it, I don't want to be the reason he hates himself. I don't want to cause him more discomfort than he already feels. I got him pregnant and I, alone, am responsible for the fact he can't bear to get out of bed and dressed some days." 

"You think he's not capable of making his own choices regarding his body?" Hongbin scoffed. 

"It's not that." 

"It sure sounds like it. You know his body better than he does?" Hongbin shook his head. "I don't even know why you two are having a baby you're a child and he's not much better. He doesn't know how lucky he is to be pregnant." Hongbin said getting up, and leaving. Wonshik just sat there, he knew that this was never going to have been an easy conversation but this had gone far worse than he anticipated.

Hongbin and Wonshik stopped speaking after the conversation in the cafe. Wonshik didn't want to be the one who talked first, he wanted Hongbin to call him first. He was surprised when his phone lit up and the caller ID was for Hongbin. "Wonshik, oh my God, Wonshik." Hongbin sounded excited, probably more-so than he had when he had gotten engaged to Jisook. "Jisook's pregnant, oh my God I'm going to be a daddy." 

"Hey congratulations. I knew you two were gonna have a baby." Wonshik laughed a little. "I know you're going to be an amazing father. How did your mom take it? I bet she's going to go insane." He smiled at they talked, it was pointless conversation, mostly about the upcoming babies they were both going to have. It was nice to have Hongbin back in his life and talking to him again. He hated it when they didn't talk, it always felt a little empty. "I missed you Hongbin." 

"I missed you too." Hongbin said with a small sigh, "everything just got out of hand at the cafe." 

"I know, it's ok. I should have warned you that were going to announce it." 

"You should have told me before, but I know why you didn't." 

"I'm sorry." 

"Me too." Hongbin said softly, "I'm sorry."

As Hakyeon began showing a lot more, it got worse. Hakyeon would stare at himself in the mirror and cry. He would lie in their bed and cry. He'd already taken maternity leave from work because he couldn't face going to work. He wore sweats and the loosest shirts they owned but he knew the baby was still growing. Wonshik didn't know what to do, he didn't know how he could help Hakyeon when he was like this. He was pregnant and nothing fit - and there was no way to hide the bump anymore. 

Birthing classes weren't helping. Hakyeon cringed every time Wonshik was told to make sure _mommy_ was comfortable, and Wonshik sitting behind him whispering how handsome he was and how he was the best looking man in the class wasn't doing that much to help. Hakyeon was inconsolable some days, he blamed Wonshik for it a lot of the time. "You did this to me.", "This is your fault, you were supposed to wear something." , "How could you do this to me?" 

Wonshik just took it, everything Hakyeon said to him. He told himself that Hakyeon didn't mean it and it was a combination of dysphoria and hormones. He would sometimes just sit in the nursery when Hakyeon was so mad at him or so upset that he didn't want to see Wonshik. He knew it was all going to be worth it once the baby came. They hadn't learnt the sex of the baby because they both wanted it to be a surprise. 

Wonshik slipped into bed with Hakyeon, “Did you get out of bed today?” Wonshik mumbled when Hakyeon had moved to lie facing him, leg around Wonshik’s hip to try to balance the weight of the bump, Hakyeon seemed to be more comfortable this way. 

“I had a shower and did the pre-natal exercise.” Hakyeon mumbled. “And baby doesn’t let me lie down for very long.” He complained, “But yesterday when we went to the doctor she said I was already dilated a bit and that I could go into labour at anytime. I’ve been having braxton hicks all day. It’s nearly time.” 

“I know.” Wonshik smiled, giving Hakyeon a kiss on the lips. “And then it will be over.” He knew it would be different once the baby was here - but he hoped that Hakyeon would feel more comfortable after the birth as he’d be able to work out and get back to the shape he wanted to be. 

It was less than two weeks later when Hakyeon's waters broke in the middle of the night. Wonshik woke up and quickly grabbed everything before driving to the hospital. Hakyeon lay in his delivery room and looked at Wonshik. "I can't believe it's coming." Hakyeon said quietly, closing his eyes and going silent for a bit as a contraction happened. He looked at Wonshik when the midwife came in and smiled at them, she'd been dealing with them the whole time - which Wonshik was thankful for, he hated that they had to explain everything to everyone. He knew that Hakyeon hated explaining that he was a man and not to use his registered name. 

"Hakyeon," She smiled, moving to check the dilation. "You're almost ready to push, you two are going to be daddies soon. Try not to worry too much, is the gas and air enough or do you need something more?" 

"I'm fine." Hakyeon gritted his teeth, "I said I was going to do this naturally." He had been convinced that he was never going to accept the pain medication - he was only going to do this one time so he was going to do it right. Wonshik was concerned about Hakyeon's refusal to take the pain medication but he knew there was no changing his fiance's mind once it was made up. 

"You're a brave man." The midwife laughed a little walking out of the room. 

Wonshik smiled at his fiance. "You know there is nothing wrong with some pain medication." 

"I'm fine." He said, before groaning at a contraction. Wonshik just moved to press a cool compress to Hakyeon's forehead. Hakyeon's breathing returned to normal once the contraction passed. "I need you." He breathed out looking at Wonshik who just nodded. "You can't leave for any reason." Hakyeon managed to get out before another contraction hit, making him groan again. 

“I’m not going to go anywhere, ok?” Wonshik held onto Hakyeon’s hand. He had no intention of going anywhere, no matter how long it took. He wanted to be here for every single second, he knew Hakyeon needed him and there was no way he could let him down.

The birth was relatively quick, which Wonshik was thankful for. Hakyeon was exhausted but when they put the baby on his chest he just came to life. Wonshik smiled watching Hakyeon coo over their daughter. Hakyeon looked at Wonshik and then smiled at him. "We did it." Hakyeon breathed out, "She's perfect." Wonshik was just so taken aback by his fiance, hair stuck to his face and their baby girl who already had a full head of hair. 

"She is, isn't she?" Wonshik said kissing Hakyeon's lips gently. "Daddy did such a good job looking after you for nine months." Wonshik said to the baby before looking at Hakyeon, "How about Haewon?" Wonshik just thought of the name when he saw her, like she was just meant for that name. 

"Haewon sounds perfect, Cha Haewon." Hakyeon nodded. The baby was taken away so the doctors could check that everything was ok with her. Hakyeon closed his eyes, moving to hold Wonshik's hand again. "Still love me?" 

"I love you." Wonshik smiled, moving to kiss Hakyeon's lips gently. "Are you feeling ok?" 

"Mhm." Hakyeon moved a little, then opened his eyes and looked at Wonshik. "Just tired, but I want to see Haewon when she comes back. She's so pretty." 

"Of course she is, her daddies are both really handsome so she was going to be beautiful." Wonshik smiled more, he was pretty sure his cheeks were going to ache if he carried on smiling this much. "When she comes back do you mind if I take a photo of you and her, just for my family." 

"Yeah, that's fine Wonshik." Hakyeon shifted a little in the bed. "Oh and send it to my mom too, she is going to want to see her - and you know she’ll be mad if she doesn’t see the first photo. Maybe we should ask a nurse to take one of both of us, I want you to be in the photo with us. Our first family photo." 

When the nurse brought Haewon back, she was cleaned up, dressed and wrapped in a pretty pink blanket. Wonshik was already in love with her, he couldn't believe that he and Hakyeon had made such a cute baby girl. She was wide awake and looking at both of her dad's. The nurse took the photo of them and then left them to spend some time with their daughter. Wonshik knew that their life was completely different now but it still amazed him to see his daughter. 

Taking Haewon home was exciting, Wonshik drove so carefully, he'd never driven so slowly in his life, but he didn't want anything to happen to his daughter who was securely fastened into the back seat. When they got home they put Haewon in her crib in her jungle themed room and Hakyeon went to lie in bed. Wonshik lay next to him and moved to snuggle into his shoulder. "I'm not breastfeeding." Hakyeon said quietly. "I'm going to get back on testosterone as soon as possible." 

"Anything you want." Wonshik said quietly, "Haewon is fine on formula and she needs both of her daddies to be happy and healthy." He said before looked at Hakyeon, "And honestly you were so unhappy these past few months, it broke my heart. I would do anything to never see you suffering that much ever again. I'll always let you top to never have to see you so upset again." 

"I feel better already." He said softly. "I can wear my own stuff, I'm going to start working out to get back to how my body looked before and I'm going to be able to wear my binder again. I can set a date for my top surgery and resume the testosterone." 

"You know I nearly died when Haewon was born. You looked so content. I thought my heart was going to explode." Wonshik kissed Hakyeon and smiled. "She was worth it all right?" Wonshik asked gently, he held Hakyeon close to him. 

Hakyeon smiled, "She was worth it all, I'm sorry you dealt with so much." Wonshik liked that Hakyeon was in some kind of blissful state at the moment and he knew he couldn't wait until Hakyeon could feel more comfortable in himself and be like this more days. "Wonshik," Hakyeon said, his tone serious, "I couldn't have done this without you." 

"You wouldn't have been in this situation." 

"No, I don't just mean Haewon - but you were there for me and her in a way that you didn't have to be. C'mon Wonshik, how many guys would stick around after that birthing class where I stormed out and then we had that huge blow out in the car park?" 

"Yeon, you were pregnant and hormonal and that woman who ran those birthing classes was really irritating. I know it also aggravated how you were feeling about your body." Wonshik smiled rubbing a hand down Hakyeon's side. 

"That's... Not many people would have been willing to ride that out with me." He said with a smile, "I mean I wasn't the nicest to you and I know you slept on the sofa a fair few times." Wonshik shrugged, he hadn't minded sleeping on the couch when the other was upset with him. He was always woken up in the middle of the night by Hakyeon asking him to come back to their bed because _'baby misses you.'_ Wonshik had forgiven Hakyeon every single time there was a meltdown, or a fight - he knew that this whole thing had been incredibly difficult for Hakyeon. 

"It was nothing compared to what you endured. I can never imagine how hard it was for you." Wonshik said softly. "And I love you. We made Haewon together and I can't see myself with anyone other than you. You could have done anything, you could still do anything and I'd still be here." 

Before Hakyeon could respond there was a little cry through the baby monitor. "I vote Dad goes." Hakyeon said with a laugh. "I know you're dying to feed her." The hospital had pretty much gave Hakyeon little choice in breastfeeding - and Wonshik had kind of thought it would change his fiance's mind about it. But he was happy that he was getting to share in the feeding of the girl. He came in after making the bottle and sat on the bed with the girl carefully feeding her. Hakyeon watched over him. "Wonshik," he said quietly, he moved to grab his phone, taking a photo. Hakyeon smiled at the photo, "Oh yeah I'm sending this to your mom - she is going to die when she sees how good you look as a daddy." Wonshik shook his head a little, "No really, Wonshik, you look so great holding our baby girl." He took a small breath, it was just proving to him more and more that the choice they made to keep their baby was the right one - regardless of how bad it was during the pregnancy. 

After feeding Wonshik gently burped the girl and swaddled her. He waited until he was sure she was asleep before he got up and put her in the crib. He smiled when he came back into the room and saw that Hakyeon had also fallen asleep on their bed. He looked over at the man, he knew he was still in some pain from delivery, and he could still see the remnants of the bump that had housed their baby. He could tell that Hakyeon's chest was slightly larger too. But at no point did he see the body lying on the bed as a girl, it was still his boyfriend and the body was still masculine. He just wanted Hakyeon to secure in his masculinity because nothing would ever change Wonshik's opinion of him or his gender. Wonshik crawled into the bed and moved to spoon the other man. He kissed the back of the others neck. 

Hongbin came over a few days later, to see Haewon. Hongbin sat in the living room, holding the baby girl and smiling looking at her. "Wonshik, you know I never thought I'd have this moment. Being the God-Father to your baby girl." Hongbin was very good with children and had actually been trying for a baby with his own wife, which had made it a little difficult when Hakyeon was having a bad day dealing with the pregnancy - Wonshik tried not to vent or complain because he knew that Hongbin and his wife were struggling to conceive. 

"I didn't think I was going to have a baby either." Wonshik said with a small smile. "But when I was with Jaehwan I thought he was the only man who was ever going to love me. I didn't know that I was going to meet Hakyeon, and you know he's out of my league." 

"Oh Wonshik." Hongbin laughed a little, "glad you noticed." He teased, looking down at the girl and adjusting the blanket. "Where is Hakyeon anyway?" 

"He's taking a nap. He got up every time with her last night - because I had work this morning. I felt awful but he wouldn't let me do it. He is still on maternity leave." Wonshik sighed a little, "but he's an amazing daddy. He's seriously so good with her - I'm really jealous." Wonshik smiled at his little girl. "But since she arrived he's doing so much better. He's happier and I know he loves her - but I really couldn't have stood by and watched him hurting any longer." 

"So he's back on the hormones? and is going to have the surgery? I know you two were wanting it before the wedding." Hongbin said looking down at the baby, "But Haewon is here now, don't you think the wedding is more important?" 

"No. Nothing is more important than Hakyeon getting the body he wants, the body he needs to feel comfortable. I don't want him to be uncomfortable as we get married, I want him to look back at our wedding photos and not think about not liking how he looked. I want him to be proud of our wedding photos and to love himself in them." Wonshik shrugged. He didn't want anything other than for his fiance to love his body before they got married - he wanted to make memories that were only filled with good feelings for Hakyeon. 

"But your baby."

"Doesn't know what marriage is, or that her daddies aren't married." Wonshik shrugged a little, "I'd wait forever for Hakyeon." 

"I'm assuming you're not taking him to Sanghyuk's wedding." Hongbin said, changing the subject because Wonshik had pretty much ended the previous topic. Wonshik didn't want to talk about Sanghyuk's wedding, he hadn't brought it up when the invitations were first sent out - and he'd been trying to avoid a conversation about it at all costs. He wasn't even sure what he was going to say about it, he wasn't sure if there even was something to stay about it. 

"I'm not going." Wonshik said shaking his head, "I'm not going to watch Sanghyuk marry some girl." 

"Why? Because you two used to make out when we were in high school?" Hongbin raised a brow. "I know he hurt you, but you moved on and so did he." 

"He's _gay_ , Hongbin. I'm not going to watch him lie to himself, that poor girl and the people there." He shook his head, "And also Hakyeon's not confident in his body so we're not going to the wedding. We have a newborn and we don't really want to take Haewon on any long trips." 

"You went to Jaehwan's wedding." 

"Jaehwan is bisexual." Wonshik said with a small shrug, "and I didn't have a newborn. Before you say something when we went to your wedding, Hakyeon looked so good that day." He said with a small laugh, "That was one of the few day's I'd seen him nearly 100% comfortable with his body." Wonshik smiled more. "But Sanghyuk and Jaehwan are completely different - and I'm not going to watch Sanghyuk lie to himself and everyone else." 

"You don't know for sure that he's gay." Hongbin sighed. "Look, Wonshik, you and Sanghyuk have always had this weird thing, since you were making out with him in high school. And then when Jaehwan broke your heart you slept with him. But now you've got Hakyeon and Haewon, I think you're in a much better place now. You and Hakyeon are so good for each other." Hongbin offered Wonshik a little smile, "He's only been able to hurt you so much because you were never in a good place when he was in your life - but you're stronger now and you have an amazing partner." 

Hakyeon smiled at Wonshik when he got in the bed that night. Hakyeon shuffled up to hold him close, "So, Sanghyuk, wanna tell me what all that was about with Hongbin." Hakyeon fixed Wonshik's hair out of his eyes. "I know you replied to the wedding invite before we even knew about Haewon so I know having her isn't the reason." Hakyeon sighed a little bit, shifting his weight slightly. Wonshik moved to wrap his leg around the others hip, to pull himself closer. "You know this isn't distracting me." Hakyeon mumbled, kissing Wonshik slowly. 

"Sanghyuk, wasn't a boyfriend or anything, you know before you I only dated Jaehwan." Wonshik said before shrugging. "I... I used to make out with him and it was a secret and it was really dumb looking back. But I thought that it was the best I could get. I was seventeen and I was _so_ in the closet. Someone walked in on us one time and he _freaked_ out. It was a party and he outed me to keep himself in the closet." 

"You don't know he was gay, he could have just been experimenting." Hakyeon offered. Wonshik shook his head. 

"When Jaehwan broke my heart, I ended up hooking up with Sanghyuk again." Wonshik sighed, "And I asked him if we should try... and he just laughed." Wonshik paused. "He told me that no one could ever know he was gay, and I never met him again, because after he outed me I was free, I don't want to be chained down with someone in the closet." Wonshik smiled, "And then I met you and you changed my life. You're the man I'd been waiting for, better than the man of my dreams and I was so convinced you were never going to like me back." Wonshik stopped there, Hakyeon was kissing him gently. Wonshik pulled back and looked at his fiance. "I can't wait to be your husband." 

"I think you should go to the wedding." Hakyeon said quietly, "I will come with you, but I think you need the closure." 

"I don't want to watch him lying to everyone." Wonshik sighed a little, "He's what I would have been, if I hadn't been outed - by him. I had no intention of coming out and if it wasn't for me coming out of the closet I would never have met the people I met. I'd never have you." 

"You know you can't make him want to come out. He probably has his own reasons for wanting to stay in the closet." Hakyeon said with a small sigh. "But I can tell you and him have this thing, this past that you never really resolved in your own mind and you need to let him go." Wonshik moved to say something. "You can't save him. I know you want to, you want him to live but you can't. He has to make his own choices, and he's choosing to stay in the closet." 

"What are we going to do with Haewon? I don't really want to leave her and a wedding isn't the best place for our baby girl." Wonshik sighed and then kissed his fiance again. "I honestly, would rather spend the time with you and her. You're my man and I don't want to have her around the mess that is Sanghyuk." 

Wonshik was woken by his phone he grabbed it and groggily answered. "Hongbin, it's in the middle of the night and Haewon is going to wake up soon and if I wake up Hakyeon he might stab me." 

"Wonshik, I need you." Hongbin sounded like he couldn't breathe. "I need you. I need you right now." 

"Hongbin? What's wrong? Where are you? I'm coming." He said moving to get out of the bed, sighing when Hakyeon whined as he moved. Wonshik started pulling on clothes, as he waited for Hongbin to answer the questions. It was all just a garbled mess between sobs. "Hongbin, I'm going to need you to take some breaths for me. I can't understand you." 

"Hospital, I'm at the hospital." Hongbin managed to say. "Jisook had the baby, it was an emergency and they're both still not ok and I can't do this. I need you. Please Wonshik, please. I can't be alone." 

"Ok, Hongbin. I'm on my way. I will be there as soon as I can be. Can you please try to calm down, you're going to make yourself ill. Whatever is wrong, we can do it together. I promise." Once Wonshik had thrown some clothes on he turned to Hakyeon who was sat up in the bed. 

"Are you leaving now?" Hakyeon sounded exhausted and Wonshik felt a pang of guilt, Hakyeon had done all the night feeds and changes the night before. But he had no choice but to go. "Is everything ok?" Hakyeon said quietly. 

"No... Apparently Jisook had the baby and they're both really ill." 

"She can't have had the baby, it's too early." 

"Well she has, and Hongbin is not really... equipped to deal with things like this." Wonshik sighed, going over to give Hakyeon a gentle kiss. "And he sounded like he was having a panic attack, I have to go. I'll bring back breakfast and I promise I will do all the diaper changes and late night things for a week to make it up to you." 

"You don't have to. He needs you. Go Wonshik, before I stop being nice." Hakyeon moved to kiss Wonshik again and then lay back down, pulling the covers around him. 

Wonshik arrived at the hospital and found Hongbin sitting outside the NICU. Hongbin immediately got up and hugged Wonshik crying on him. Wonshik just held his best friend hoping he could just cry it out. "He is so small." Hongbin sobbed. Wonshik assumed Hongbin was talking about the child. "He can't breathe on his own and he can't feed and he can't cry and he can't keep himself alive." 

"Hongbin, he will be fine. He's only just been born." 

"He's a week old and he's not getting better." That hurt. Wonshik just nodded, trying to pretend he wasn't hurt that his best friend hadn't called him before. 

"He will, Hongbin, he's Jisook's son - he is a fighter." Wonshik smiled a little, "Anyone related to the girl who pinned me to a wall to stop me punching that guy at that swim meet when we were sixteen is a fighter. He's going to be fine." 

"We named him Jimin." Hongbin said quietly. Wonshik just nodded. "Jisook, you see, she just started feeling sick so we brought her in and then it all happened so fast and they keep pumping her full of drugs." 

"Hongbin, you need to sleep. They have a family room in here, you can go sleep there - I will tell a nurse and as soon as anything happens I will come to you. I will get you straight away, but you are no good to Jisook or Jimin in this state." 

"Was Hakyeon ok?" 

Wonshik laughed a little, "Really? You're worried about Hakyeon right now? He's fine, he can deal with Haewon by himself for a while." 

Wonshik sat outside the NICU for five hours, watching Jimin. He wondered what it would have been like if it had been Haewon who was born ill. He hated that thought, he didn't like to think of his precious daughter in any kind of pain or trouble. He just watched, he wanted to make sure Jimin was OK, he knew that Hongbin would do the same for him. 

Wonshik went back most days for two weeks, helping Hongbin and Jisook until Jisook got discharged, Jimin was still in the hospital, but now it was Jisook who was helping to keep Hongbin calm and there was simply no need for Wonshik to be around. Wonshik wanted to be there for his own family and he really wanted to make sure that the strain was really off Hakyeon. The last thing he wanted was for his fiance to feel like he was on his own.

Hakyeon had been working out a lot and his body was getting back to the way that it used to be. Wonshik would smile sometimes seeing Hakyeon's body snapping back to how it used to be, like it knew that he needed his body to go back to normal. Hakyeon looked good in a suit, Wonshik was sat on the bed dressed, playing with Haewon who was in a cute dress. Hakyeon got on the bed and kissed Wonshik. "Ready?" He said with a small smile. 

"Are you sure you want to go to this wedding?" Wonshik asked as he kissed the forehead of the little girl. Hakyeon smiled at the little girl on the bed. 

"Yeah. Hongbin is now expecting us to go with Haewon, and you need to go for closure on this whole Sanghyuk thing." Hakyeon looked at Wonshik. "You need to stand up to him or see him choosing to be with a woman - I don't know, but I do know that you two have been tied together since you were young." 

"Nothing can compare to what we have." Wonshik said quietly, "not only because we have a daughter together, but because I know for a fact that you're the only man I want to be with for the rest of my life." 

"I know." Hakyeon said with a small smile, "I'm not doing this with you because I think you're holding back, I'm doing this because I know he hurt you and you have a lot of residual pain from that whole experience. I just want you to be happy, and I want you to feel that you don't owe him anything."

“I’m happy, I have you. I have Haewon, I have everything I could ever need or want. I don’t owe him anything, I just, that would have been me.” Wonshik said softly, picking up Haewon and gently putting her in the car seat, so they could get in the car. “Have we got everything?” Wonshik asked as they got in the car. 

The wedding was nice, that was the only way Wonshik could think of describing it. He thought Sanghyuk’s wife had picked a very nice dress and the whole place was decorated nicely. It wasn’t elegant like Hongbin’s wedding but it was still sophisticated. After the wedding breakfast Sanghyuk and his wife were milling around talking to their guests. 

“You know he’s staring at us.” Hakyeon said quietly, as if on cue Haewon began whimpering. “Oh, I think someone needs her diaper changing.” Hakyeon said picking her up and grabbing the baby bag. “You go talk to him.” Hakyeon said, before giving Wonshik a loving kiss. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Wonshik said softly. Not long after Hakyeon had left to go change their daughter Sanghyuk came over and sat in Hakyeon’s now empty seat. “The venue is nice.” Wonshik said taking a sip of his drink and noticing that Hongbin had left the table presumably to give them some privacy. 

“A boyfriend and a baby.” Sanghyuk said raising a brow. “You’re not married, and they let you adopt?” 

“She’s our baby.” Wonshik simply replied, it was the truth but it wasn’t over explaining - because he didn’t tell people about what made Hakyeon a little different to his other boyfriends. “I’m assuming it’s in the plan for you to start your family now you’re married?” 

Sanghyuk shrugged, “I don’t know. I like how it is now, no babies, I work a lot. I go out.”

“Does she know who you do when you go out?” Wonshik asked not looking at Sanghyuk. 

“Don’t. Not here Wonshik.” 

“I hope you and her are very happy. And I hope that I see you at my wedding. But I won’t be staying for the evening dance. We really have to get home to put Haewon to sleep and my fiance is working tomorrow.” Wonshik said smiling at Sanghyuk. “And I’m really happy.” Hakyeon came over and sat down. Wonshik turned to look at his fiance and their child. “Hakyeon this is Sanghyuk.” He introduced them. 

On the journey home Hakyeon looked over at Wonshik, “So, did you get closure?” Hakyeon asked closing his eyes and leaning back into the chair. “How am I tried? I barely did anything.” 

“You just had a baby Yeon, your body is still adjusting.” He kept his eyes on the road, “But yeah, I got closure - I actually feel sorry for him. We’re happy, and he’s gonna be living a lie for the rest of his life.” 

One night Wonshik came out of the bathroom, dressed in his nightwear after having showered. He looked at Hakyeon who was standing in front of the mirror in some of his dancewear. “Yeon, what are you doing?” He asked quietly. Hakyeon was just stood staring at himself. 

“Can you tell I’ve had a baby?” Hakyeon said quietly. “I think my hips look rounder. I look like I’ve been pregnant.” He shut his eyes and took a breath, before turning to face Wonshik who had walked over to standing next to him. 

“You look like a man, Yeon. You can’t even tell that you had a baby. You look handsome and you know I love you in your dancewear.” He said giving Hakyeon a gentle kiss. “No one is going to know. No one will be able to tell.” 

“You don’t have to say that if it’s not true.” Hakyeon said quietly. 

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t believe it was 100% true. I think you look like a man. I really do.” Wonshik said quietly. “If you’re worried do you want to wait longer until you go back to the studio? I’m sure they won’t mind.” 

“I need to go back Wonshik.” Hakyeon said quietly, “I need to start teaching dance again, and get back to choreographing things. If I’m ever going to run a studio I need to start dancing again as soon as possible.” 

Wonshik was a little worried when Hakyeon left the next morning to run his dance class. He knew the other was still battling his insecurities about his body - which had gotten worse again after Haewon was born. Wonshik didn’t really want to think about all the things that could go wrong with his fiance going back to work at the studio. He was just hoping he wouldn’t get a call from Hakyeon in tears, because he hated it when the other cried. He just felt so helpless, because this was something he couldn’t do anything to change, he was left having to just hold his fiance when he was hurt about this. It was more stressful than he cared to think about, he just wanted Hakyeon to feel good about himself. 

He couldn’t just sit alone, so he invited Hongbin to come over. Hongbin never turned down the chance to spend some time with Haewon, he brought over Jimin. Wonshik smiled holding Jimin and adjusting the boy’s blanket. “Your baby is really cute… He’s small still.” 

“He was born premature.” Hongbin said quietly, stroking Haewon’s hair. “He’s growing really well. He doesn’t have any major complications which is a huge relief.” 

“You know it was a dick move not calling me when it was all happening.” 

“You and Hakyeon had only just had Haewon.” Hongbin said softly. 

“Yeah at 9 months, we had just had our baby who was full term.” 

“A full term that nearly killed your fiance.” Hongbin answered back. “You wanted me to call you away from Hakyeon after he’d just had a baby? He needed you. More than I did. He needed you so much and I wasn’t going to take you away from him.” 

“Your baby was born at 28 weeks Hongbin, it wasn’t like he was born two days before his due date. He was in the ICU for two days before you told me.” Wonshik tried not to sound annoyed. “I didn’t know why you hadn’t come to see Haewon and I was actually mad at you - but you were suffering and I didn’t know.” Wonshik paused looking at Jimin who was sleeping soundly. “Hakyeon would have understood. Hell, he’d probably have _made_ me go.” Wonshik moved to put Jimin down in his baby carrier. 

“Wonshik.” Hongbin sighed putting Haewon down too. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t call you about it. I just didn’t want to put anything else on you. You think I didn’t notice how much stress Hakyeon’s situation was putting on you.” 

“Don’t.” Wonshik said, looking at the sleeping babies. “Hakyeon wanted this. We were fine. Everything was fine.” 

“You don’t have to lie to me.” Hongbin said leaning back on his seat. “Because if you weren’t worried - or stressed - you wouldn’t have me over here because he’s gone to work at the dance studio for the first time since he had Haewon.” 

“I don’t want to talk about that.” Wonshik said softly. 

“Really? You invited me over so you could just not talk about what has you concerned about him.” Hongbin sighed, “You know his bre-” 

“Don’t…. If you’re going to talk about his chest please do not use those words.” Wonshik shifted a little. Hongbin just watched him, “not even when he’s not here, don’t talk about his body like that.” 

“It bothers you just as much as it bothers him.” Hongbin stated rather than asking. 

“Because he’s going to be my husband and if it makes him uncomfortable than I don’t want anyone saying those words.” Wonshik shrugged. “And it wasn’t about his chest. He thinks his hips have curved, he thinks he looks like he had a baby and he was just staring at himself in the mirror. He hasn’t done that since before the birth. I just don’t want today to be a bad day for him.” Wonshik let out a sigh. 

“Feel better now you’ve said it?” Hongbin asked, “he was fine this morning right?” 

Wonshik nodded, “he actually seemed happy to be back teaching. He missed dancing when he was pregnant. I love how he dances, and he started dancing again when he got happier with his body.” He laughed a little. “The first time after Haewon was born that I saw him dancing it was the first time he laughed, like really laughed for the first time since he got pregnant. It felt like for once he wasn’t just not so upset, it was real happiness. Happiness I took away from him when I got him pregnant - and then when he was having his moment last night with his body and his dancewear, I panicked that I’d taken the thing he loves so much away from him.” 

“Wonshik… you know you didn’t force him to keep the baby - and you definitely made the baby as a team effort.” Hongbin looked over at Wonshik. “He loves you and he loves your daughter. It doesn’t matter about dance or clothes, or his transition being put back a few months.” 

“When you love Hakyeon you have to know that you are sharing him with dance. Just like how we were when we were swimmers.” Wonshik smiled a little. “I just want him to be happy.”

“He is happy. He loves you.” Hongbin said with a small smile. “At least he doesn’t want another baby, even though he nearly died last time.” 

“I’m assuming you’re talking about Jisook and not Hakyeon.” Wonshik said quietly. “She wants to have another baby, the natural way?” He looked at Hongbin who was avoiding looking at him. “Why? Why would she want that? She nearly died. I know we say pregnancy nearly killed Hakyeon but she really nearly died.” 

“I know, but I can’t tell her that. She just tells me not to tell her what she isn’t capable of.” Hongbin said with a small sigh. “She doesn’t need me to be unsupportive.” 

“So you’re letting her do something that could kill her?” 

“You’d let Hakyeon.” Hongbin shrugged, “I know you can’t say no to him.” 

“I wouldn’t let him do something he’d already done that had almost ended in his physical death.” Wonshik shook his head. “I couldn’t let him risk his life, we have a daughter.” 

“Yeah well you know Jisook, she’s not going to take that for an answer - and she’s probably told Hakyeon, who will tell you and then he’ll try to get you to tell me that I shouldn’t be against her trying to kill herself to have another baby.” 

“Yeah, I mean all me and Hakyeon do is discuss forcing you into something you don’t want. Listen, Hongbin. She’s probably more scared about this than you think. You need to decide if you’re going to support her - or if she’s doing this on her own.” 

“Of course I support her.” 

When Hakyeon came back Haewon was sleeping. He went in to check on her and smiled, watching her sleep for a little bit before going into the bedroom to find Wonshik sat in the bed looking at his laptop, glasses on, expression focused. Hakyeon got into the bed and kissed Wonshik’s cheek. “I’m back.” Hakyeon said with a smile, Wonshik shut the laptop and took his glasses off. He kissed Hakyeon gently at first, the kisses slowly getting more romantic. Wonshik moved slightly so he was partially over Hakyeon as the kisses got more and more intense. Hakyeon holding onto Wonshik’s waist to keep him close, before his hands slipped up into Wonshik’s shirt pushing it up. 

Wonshik pulled back and took his shirt off, returning the favour to Hakyeon and moving so he was completely over him, kissing him hard. Hakyeon’s hands ran over Wonshik’s ass and squeezed it, causing Wonshik to groan into the kiss. One hand tracing down Hakyeon’s flat stomach to his thigh. Hakyeon tensed a little and Wonshik stopped his movement. He pulled back and looked at Hakyeon. “I can’t.” Hakyeon breathed. He’d been cleared to have sex for weeks but this was the closest they’d gotten. Wonshik moved off of Hakyeon and lay next to him looking at him, “I’m sorry, Wonshik.” He said quietly, adjusting his binder a little. “I _want_ to. I really do, I just can’t.” 

“You don’t have to be sorry, Hakyeon.” Wonshik said kissing his fiance’s cheek. “I can wait until you’re ready.” He said with a small smile. Wonshik took a breath and wrapped an arm around Hakyeon’s waist. “Would it make you feel more comfortable if you knew that you were… that you can be on top as much as you want. And like when we first started sleeping together, if you’re not comfortable with me on top then we just won’t do it that way until you are.” 

Hakyeon nodded a little, rolling over and resting against Wonshik’s arms. He sighed softly snuggling into his fiance. “I don’t mean to keep making it hard for you.” Hakyeon said quietly, “I know it’s inconvenient.” Hakyeon sighed again, kissing his fiance lovingly. 

“It’s not at all like that.” Wonshik said softly. “I don’t mind. I would much rather we took our time, and waited until it was the right time for us to sleep together again. I want you to be comfortable. That’s all I want.” He was honest, he didn’t want Hakyeon to ever feel like he had to put out, Wonshik liked the sex but he didn’t want to be intimate with Hakyeon unless he wanted it. It was going to be better when they did eventually do it, the waiting might at sometimes being irritating but the real thing in the end would be worth it. 

Hakyeon got up after that and went to their bathroom, taking a shower before coming out in just his binder and his boxers as he stood choosing what to wear. Wonshik had stayed in the bed, just lying there, he wasn’t upset that they weren’t having sex. He just felt like there was nothing he could do, that they would never get back to normalcy, that he’d caused this change and Hakyeon was left like this. That he would never be the same, he would never trust him again. “I didn’t mean to get you pregnant.” Wonshik said, he didn’t look over at Hakyeon who had just pulled on a simple t-shirt and jeans combination. 

“I never said you did.” Hakyeon said, frowning a little. “I don’t think you did. I know it was just an accident. The condom probably broke, it happens. I’m getting an IUD - because accidents happen.” Hakyeon sighed a little, “unless you don’t want me to get an IUD.” 

“Yeon.” Wonshik said pushing himself so he was sat up. “Get the IUD, whatever makes you feel most comfortable. I don’t really get a say over your body.” He stopped for a second, _’unless you don’t want me to’_ that sounded a lot like Hakyeon thought he wanted to get him pregnant again. “Unless you think I want to go through this whole pregnancy again.” 

“Wonshik.” Hakyeon looked at him. “I never said that. I never said you wanted me to get pregnant. I just wanted you to know that you _had_ a say. You can tell me you’d rather I didn’t have and IUD, maybe you’d prefer I had the coil. I mean I don’t think I’m having my bottom surgery.” 

“Hakyeon. When did you decide that?” 

“I’ve always felt like that. The technology isn’t there yet for the bottom surgery. I don’t need it to pass - but that means I have to have contraception, like the coil or the IUD because the hormonal stuff doesn’t have the same effect with my HRT and also I can still get pregnant on testosterone no matter how long I take it.” Hakyeon looked at Wonshik who was staring at him. “Oh is there a problem with me only having my chest done?” Wonshik didn’t answer. “Have you been with me waiting for me to get a penis? And now you’re all silent because that’s not going to happen - because the technology isn’t there for it to be right. It just it wouldn’t work and it wouldn’t - I’m better off with what I was born with down there.” Hakyeon ran his hand through his hair. “And you’re gay, I get that. My equipment isn’t quite what you signed up for but you have been fine with it. Was that all based on the premise of you one day getting a penis?” 

“Hakyeon, please.” Wonshik sighed. “I don’t care what’s in your pants. You’re a man, my man. I just, didn’t know how far you were going with the surgery. We never talked about it - you never talked about it. I assumed you were doing it all. But I don’t care. I never cared about your body. I care about you. I _love_ you.” 

“You never asked. You were busy assuming that one day I’d have a penis, you probably thought it’d be big right? As I could choose the relative size of it, if I did it.”

“Oh is it a crime to like dick now? Is it a crime that I’m a gay man and I happen to like being fucked by a dick.” Wonshik answered back, getting defensive. “You’re a gay man too, you like dick. It’s a thing. That’s the whole gay thing, we like penis.” 

“So you’re saying?” Hakyeon said back. 

“You knew when we started this that I like being fucked by dick. It’s kind of how gay sex works. You know I’m vers and more often than not I’m the one being fucked by you. I don’t care if your penis is biologically you or a strap-on. Your strap-on works for me.” Wonshik sighed a little, “I really don’t want to fight about your penis or lack of one.” Wonshik looked at his fiance. “But you didn’t tell me you weren’t doing the full transition. You lied to me.” 

“I lied to you? I never lied. We never talked about it. You never asked.” 

“Forgive me Hakyeon for not asking you what you were doing about the part of your body that is distinctly bad for your dysphoria.” Wonshik shook his head. “Wow I’m so incredibly sorry that I didn’t want to make you feel like I saw you as anything less than the man you are. The man I love.” 

“What was I supposed to say, oh yeah by the way I’m not changing what’s in my pants.” Hakyeon shook his head, “you said it yourself, you like dick.” 

“So you didn’t tell me because you thought I was in love with the idea of you with a penis? I love you. I love you with a strap-on. I love you with no strap-on. I love you with your chest before surgery. I’m going to love your chest after surgery. I knew what it meant when you told me you were transgender. I _knew_ and I love you. I don’t care what you have. I couldn’t care less what you have or don’t have Hakyeon.” He sighed a little. “It just hurts that you thought I was that guy. The kind of guy who only loved what body you had or would have. That I’d only really love you if you did a full transition.” He got out of the bed. “I have been your partner a long time, and that’s what you think of me.” he shook his head moving to grab a jacket. “I’m going out… don’t wait up.” 

Wonshik walked, not particularly with an end place in mind. He ended up sat outside their old high school, it was the evening but the school was near a park and he just wanted to clear his mind. He eventually went home, dragging his feet a little. He didn’t know what he was going to be walking into. He didn’t know if Hakyeon had gone to sleep or was waiting up for him. He didn’t know if their relationship was over. He didn’t know what he was going to do if it was. He hadn’t wanted to get into a fight with him but it had gotten so out of control. He didn’t even know what he was going to say, he wanted to hold his fiance and tell him he was sorry, that nothing he said was anything he meant. That he’d take the other to get his IUD, that he didn’t care how much or how little surgery he got. That he didn’t care if he was told about all the decisions, because in the end all he wanted was Hakyeon. He just wanted his fiance. 

He walked in and noticed all the lights were off. He sighed, locking the door and going up the stairs quietly. He checked in on Haewon and smiled seeing her sleeping soundly. He went to check on Hakyeon. He sighed seeing the other curled up in the bed. He wondered if he’d fallen asleep soundly. Just as he was about to close the door her heard a sleepy voice, “Wonshik, you’re back.” Hakyeon slipped out of bed and Wonshik noticed he was wearing one of his shirts. Wonshik sighed when Hakyeon pulled him into a hug. “I didn’t know if you were going to come back. I called Hongbin and he didn’t know where you were.” 

Wonshik held him close. “I just needed to clear my head. Things just went too far. I shouldn’t have let you get so mad, I shouldn’t have got so mad.” He kissed Hakyeon’s cheek. “I love you. I’m so sorry about everything.” 

“I should have told you about my transition plans from the beginning.” Hakyeon said quietly. “And I know it’s hard for you, because you never want to make me feel less of a man, but I want you to know that I love you, and you have permission to ask about my transition. I plan on sharing my life with you. So you should know everything. You should know about my transition.” He paused. “I’m so sorry I never talked about it before.” 

“Shush Hakyeon.” Wonshik said holding his fiance close. “It’s perfectly fine. We’re going to be fine. I’m sorry about everything. I love you so much.” 

“I love you too Wonshik,” Hakyeon said pressing a soft kiss to Wonshik’s neck.

Wonshik didn’t know when they were going to get a chance to sort everything out for Hakyeon’s transition, but he did know that he was going to be there every single step of the way that he could be. It was a few months later, Hakyeon came into the room, after putting Haewon to sleep. Wonshik looked up at him. “I want to get married.” Hakyeon said sitting on the bed, kissing Wonshik’s cheek gently. 

“That’s why you proposed to me.” Wonshik said with a small smile. 

“No, I’m talking about getting married while Haewon is one. It’s coming up to her first birthday - and I know we said we wanted to wait until after I’d had my top surgery. But basically, this afternoon I found out I can legally change my gender and name without having the surgery and I know we can’t afford for me to have the surgery after I took so much maternity leave. But I want to marry you. I want it to be a complete family.” 

“We are a complete family.” Wonshik said quietly. “We don’t need to get married.” 

“Wonshik, I want to get married, I’m going to legally change my name and I’ll wear a binder and it will be beautiful. Our wedding pictures will be amazing and our daughter will wear a very pretty dress. I want to be married to you. More than anything, Wonshik. I want to be your husband. I just love you so much and I want a wedding.” 

“Hakyeon, I want you to promise me that you’re not doing this because we’re like the only couple we know, and the only couple in Haewon’s baby class that aren’t married.” 

“No, Wonshik. Maybe I just want to marry you - I love you, you love me, we have a daughter. I want to marry you. I want you. I love you. I want to be your husband.” He paused. “But if you don’t want to marry me then don’t.” 

“No, I want to marry you, I love you so much. I just want to make sure you’re not going to regret this.” 

“Oh yeah because I’m known for rushing things.” Hakyeon shook his head. 

“Don’t do this.” 

“Don’t do what. You’re accusing me of wanting to get married just to be like everyone else. When I actually just want to marry you. We’ve been engaged for a while and you’ve been waiting for me to be ready, to be completely comfortable, and I am. I am going to change my name and then I’m going to be beyond comfortable.”

“I’m not fighting you, over this Hakyeon.” 

“Seems like you want to.” Hakyeon paused before moving to lie on his back. “I thought you’d be excited about us finally tying the knot. I saw you at Sanghyuk’s wedding, and Hongbin’s, you were envious - and honestly, so was I. I was envious because I want to be the one promising my life to you. I want to be married, I want to be able to come home to my _husband_. I want to introduce you not just as Haewon’s dad and my boyfriend but as my husband. I want there to be something legally that will protect you and me, and Haewon if something was to happen to one of us.” 

“So this is about your sister?” 

“No. This is not about my sister.” Hakyeon let out a frustrated sound. “This is about me and you, this is about how we feel about each other.” 

“And it has nothing to do with your sister losing her house when her boyfriend died and his parents decided to kick her out?” 

“No. Your parents love me, and they love Haewon they aren’t going to make us homeless.” He shook his head, moving to get out of the bed to change into his pyjamas. Wonshik sighed watching his fiance, getting changed. “Look I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m going to bed,” 

“It’s not late.” Wonshik sighed, “You can’t just go to sleep to avoid this conversation Hakyeon.” Wonshik looked at his fiance. “You want to marry me, you want a wedding then you need to talk to me rather than just deciding I’m not saying what you want to hear and having a tantrum.” 

“What do you want me to say? You are telling me you don’t want to marry me.” 

“No… Hakyeon, that isn’t what I’m saying at all. I want to marry you, but I don’t want to be doing it for the wrong reasons.” 

“There would never be a wrong time to marry you, I want to be with you. I want to marry you.” 

“I know, and I want to marry you Hakyeon - but this has to be right.” 

“You don’t feel right? It doesn’t feel right to marry me? Great.” 

Wonshik rolled his eyes and then pressed a kiss to his fiance’s cheek. “Look, Hakyeon, I want to marry you. I’d marry you right now. It’s just something that is only going to happen once in our life.”

It took a few weeks, but they picked a date for the wedding. It was going to be before Haewon’s second birthday and Hakyeon had already started planning the wedding. Wonshik was glad that Hakyeon was hands on with these things - that probably came from years of co-ordinating dance and costumes. Wonshik also knew Hakyeon had better taste - and had furnished most of their place, citing that Wonshik’s style was _ugly with no redeeming points_. This hadn’t offended Wonshik as he knew that his sense of style was bad. 

The wedding was perfect, Wonshik had been surprised that his whole family had come, it wasn’t that any of them were homophobic, he just hadn’t expected them all to make it - it was a weekday. Hakyeon had picked a cheaper day, they were getting married on a budget, they had a daughter and were saving up so Hakyeon could have the surgery he needed. Wonshik was a little anxious, he knew that Hakyeon wasn’t going to leave him standing at the altar, but there was still that nervousness. 

The ceremony was quick, they didn’t need a long service. The wedding breakfast itself was nice, Wonshik had actually had a hand in picking the food. He couldn’t believe that he’d married Hakyeon, that they were finally legally bound. Everything had fallen completely into place, he couldn't imagine having a more perfect life. He pressed a gentle kiss to the other's cheek

The honeymoon was just a weekend away - it was bad enough that they were spending time without their daughter. Hakyeon was asleep, wearing Wonshik’s shirt from the wedding. Wonshik smiled at the other’s sleeping image. He almost wanted to wake the man up, but he wanted to just watch him sleeping for longer. It was weird to get to be able to spend this time together, but it was almost impossible with Haewon. 

Wonshik tried not to laugh when Hakyeon rolled over and mumbled, “Stop staring at me.” 

“It’s hard not to. You look really sexy in my shirt.” 

Hakyeon shrugged. “That and I probably look messed up from before we went to sleep. Morning sex isn’t a thing until I’m awake.” He mumbled again wrapping an arm around Wonshik’s waist. “For once we don’t have a toddler screaming at seven am because they’re bored. Let me sleep just a bit longer.” 

Wonshik shook his head and then kissed the top of Hakyeon’s head. “I wasn’t thinking about morning sex until you mentioned it. I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you.” 

Later that day Wonshik was sat with Hakyeon on the balcony of their hotel room, both with a glass of wine. “Yeon, you know how we have a house and a baby so we didn’t need anything that people normally get for weddings.” Hakyeon nodded. “The guests, were asked instead of gifts to donate to getting your chest surgery.” 

“What?” 

“Well it’s the thing we need most as a family. It’s not the full amount, but we know have a bank account where we can deposit the money to save up for it. Your body, being comfortable is what I care about the most.” 

“So you want me to accept charity from people.” 

“Hakyeon, please. I want you to accept that our friends are helping you get the body you need. Our family donated some money, our friends wanted to do this for you,” Wonshik sighed a little, "And it's not going to cover the cost so we're still going to be saving up." 

Saving up took longer than expected, time passed, everything draining their resources making it harder to save up for the surgery. Haewon was three when Hakyeon's surgery was finally paid for and scheduled. Hongbin had had a second son Jikyung and his wife had had similar issues after giving birth. Wonshik pulled up at Hongbin's house and got his daughter out of the car, walking with her up to the door. When Hongbin opened the door Wonshik smiled. "We're really late and Hakyeon is really stressy. Thank you for taking her." 

"Any time." Hongbin said with a smile. "Her and Jimin are so close." 

Wonshik crouched down. "Ok sweetheart, be good for Hongbin and I'll come get you once daddy has had his surgery."

Hakyeon took a while to come round after the surgery. He smiled when he saw Wonshik who was sat with Hyewon on his lap. Wonshik moved and gave Hakyeon a quick kiss. “How are you feeling?” Hakyeon just nodded, he was still feeling kind of weird because of the anesthesia. Wonshik had already told Haewon that she had to be careful with her daddy because he’d had surgery. 

Wonshik was the one who helped Hakyeon, draining the blood, making sure he was feeling ok from the pain medications. He also washed him, and did everything he possible could to keep the strain off Hakyeon. When they went to the doctors to have the bandages removed Hakyeon cried at the sight of his now flat chest. Wonshik held his husband close and kissed his cheek. Hakyeon just kept whispering ‘thank you’ in his ear. Wonshik was over the moon, he loved how happy Hakyeon was, and that they’d finally gotten him in a place he could be more comfortable. 

Wonshik liked that Hakyeon was now sleeping shirtless, walking around the house shirtless. That he didn’t get up (and put on his binder) and a shirt if Haewon climbed into bed. He was now more confident and he was for sure more comfortable in his skin. Wonshik loved that it hadn’t just changed Hakyeon’s body (although, honestly he didn’t care what Hakyeon’s body looked like) but the surgery had helped to change Hakyeon’s own mindset and how he saw his own body. It was so beautiful to see his husband waking up in the morning when Haewon woke them up, and then Wonshik would get to see his husband being playful with their daughter in the morning. Hakyeon didn’t seem to mind his scars, he wouldn’t even flinch when Haewon touched them or asked if they hurt. 

It was a lazy sunday morning. Hakyeon was dancing with Haewon in the bedroom, Wonshik was just watching, it had started as some kind of ballet lesson. Wonshik knew his daughter was talented, but she was also three. He thought that maybe she should be allowed some time away from dance (but that was apparently out of the question, and Hakyeon would say things like _Do you think you make it into the national ballet by skipping days_.), but as long as Haewon liked it he wasn’t going to stop her. But the ballet broke down into them just dancing randomly. Hakyeon came over to the bed and pulled Wonshik up so he could dance with them. 

Wonshik laughed dancing with Hakyeon and Haewon, until the little girl went to sit down on the bed and just watch her two daddies dancing together. Wonshik smiled when Hakyeon pulled him close and gave him a quick kiss. He loved dancing with Hakyeon, despite being the weaker dancer. It was fun and it was freeing, like flying. They stopped and looked over at the child who was lying in the bed spread out like a starfish, giggling to herself as she messed up the pillows.

A few days later Wonshik woke up when Haewon climbed onto the bed and got in between him and Hakyeon. He smiled holding his daughter close and giving her a kiss on the cheek. Hakyeon was still asleep, he was worn out from dancing the day before. Hakyeon did eventually wake up and found himself smiling uncontrollably as Wonshik was sat up with their daughter next to him as they were looking at the wedding photo that was normally kept on the table that was beside their bed. 

“You know everyone in this picture.” Wonshik said with a laugh, Hakyeon just watched as Wonshik told their daughter about the wedding and about how excited he’d been to get to marry Hakyeon. Eventually Haewon finished learning about the wedding and moved to climb over her dad to go back to her own room to play. “How long were you watching?” Wonshik said without even turning to look at Hakyeon.

“I want another baby.” Was all Hakyeon said. Wonshik looked over at him and moved to kiss him gently. 

“Really? I was thinking about it for a while - you know, seeing Haewon with other children makes me really wish she had a sibling.” Wonshik smiled at Hakyeon. “I can look at adoption agencies around us who accept homosexual parents.” 

“Oh you should have seen her when she was dancing with a girl younger than her, she was the best big sister I’d ever seen.” Hakyeon smiled at his husband. “Plus she’s getting older now, I think it will be nice for her to grow up with someone else. I had my sisters and brother and you have your sister.” 

Adopting was a lot harder than they had originally planned. Hakyeon was always concerned that the fact he was on HRT was going to be a problem - it wasn't. Hakyeon was the one who filled out most of the paper work. Wonshik wasn't really good at that kind of thing. Although they both had to get bank statements and proof of work. Wonshik worried that their jobs weren't going to be good enough to be granted the ability to adopt a child in need of a loving home. He wondered why there were so many ridiculous conditions attached to the ability to have a child. While, they were comfortable enough, and they had enough love for another child, they had to jump through hoop after hoop in order to be granted the ability to adopt a child.

They met a beautiful boy called Kihyun, when they met him they instantly fell in love with him. They were informed that the child was born with a heart defect, but that didn't bother them. They would do whatever it took to make sure that Kihyun was healthy, he was already part of the family. Haewon got on with the boy who was only one year younger, like a house on fire. She loved him and already was telling Jimin about how she was going to get a brother soon. 

Haewon was four, nearly five, when the adoption was finalised. Wonshik was so excited to bring his son home, to show him where he would grow up. He and Hakyeon had made the boy a space themed bedroom after hearing he loved astronauts, it had been a project that they fed all their energy too when they were struggling with the anxiety about the process. Kihyun adapted quickly, he fit in with the family and was soon calling Hakyeon and Wonshik, Daddy and Dad. It was perfection. 

Kihyun started to get sicker, Wonshik was having to take days off work and it wasn't long before they realised that they couldn't avoid him having major surgery anymore. They began researching where was the best place to take their son, so he could get the best care and hopefully avoid having to have multiple surgeries if possible. They eventually found one, that had space and the surgery was booked. However, before the surgery date Kihyun deteriorated rapidly and was rushed into the hospital.

Wonshik looked up when the paediatric surgeon walked in. He was tall and Wonshik knew that he had come highly recommended. “Hi I’m Dr. Jung Taekwoon,” Wonshik stood up to greet the man and noticed that Hakyeon wasn’t so forthcoming when it came to greeting the doctor. Wonshik didn’t have to wait long until he found out. “Hana.” The doctor said with a small smile, his eyes then traced over Hakyeon’s body. “I didn’t know you’d had children.” Wonshik didn’t say anything he just watched the doctor and his husband interacting. “You chose to keep your surname?” 

Wonshik shot Hakyeon a rather confused look. Hakyeon just looked uncomfortable as the doctor continued about his work, checking the charts of their son. Wonshik was glad that their son was sleeping, he knew the little boy didn’t like doctors. The doctor turned to Wonshik and Hakyeon. “I should talk to you two outside.” He said quietly, taking the couple out. “Look, Kihyun has a serious issue with his aortic valve. I need to do surgery on him as soon as possible. His charts indicate that he has a condition that is genetic, I really recommend that you both get tested to see which one of you carries the gene.” Hakyeon went to say something, “Hana, I know this is hard but you really need to get tested in case you choose to have more children together. I have done heart surgeries on three or four children from the same family, and I just want you to be aware.” 

“Hakyeon. His name is Hakyeon” Wonshik said looking at his husband and then the doctor. “What my husband is trying to say is that Kihyun is adopted, and we knew when we signed the papers that he was sick and that it was probably genetic. We knew what we were taking on, so please just do the surgery for him.” 

Taekwoon paused and looked at the pair again. “So you… still are doing that Hana.” 

“It’s legally Hakyeon.” Wonshik said, he didn’t know why Hakyeon wasn’t defending himself but he wasn’t going to let someone call him by his dead name. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t call my husband by _that_ name.” Wonshik watched the doctor, who was just eyeing Hakyeon still. Taekwoon just turned to leave and Hakyeon just silently went back into Kihyun’s room. Kihyun was still asleep. Wonshik smiled, making sure his blanket was as tight as he could. He pressed a small kiss to the boy’s head. “Are you going to tell me what that was about?” 

“Are you going to pick Hyewon up from school today? She wanted to come see her brother after class.” Hakyeon looked at Wonshik, “oh and she has dance class tonight. But I’ll take her to that, you do need to see her dancing though, she’s so beautiful when she’s dancing.” Wonshik smiled. 

“You aren’t getting out of this that easily.” He said with a small sigh. “But I’m gonna go get our daughter.” He said kissing the other man. “She’s gonna love you going to dance class - apparently she’s been complaining that Jisook doesn’t dance like you and she doesn’t do her hair the way you do.” 

A few days later both Hakyeon and Wonshik both came home, they had to get some decent rest and Wonshik’s sister was with Kihyun. Hakyeon quickly showered and then got into the bed, only to be joined by Wonshik a little while later. They shared a small kiss and Hakyeon snuggled into Wonshik’s chest. “Dr.Jung.” Wonshik said quietly. “He keeps calling you by your birth name and referring to you as your biological sex. He knew you before…. But how?” 

“We dated.” Hakyeon said quietly. “He saw me as a girl and I let him. I wasn’t out, and then while we were together I just… I had to tell him and he didn’t take it well. He hates me. He likes Hana. We broke up because he couldn’t deal with me being me.” Hakyeon sighed a little, kissing Wonshik softly. “I just, I felt kind of embarrassed.” 

“Why? He’s the one who should be embarrassed. He’s a surgeon and he can’t accept that you’re a man.” Wonshik shook his head. “I’ll-” 

“Do nothing, Wonshik. He is straight - and I was a man. It made sense for us to break up. I also have a husband now and two perfect kids. Please go to sleep - we need to rest before we have to get Hyewon and then go back to the hospital. I don’t want your sister to be up too long in her condition.” 

“In her condition?” 

“She’s pregnant… Or are you blind?” Hakyeon mumbled, and then sighed when he felt Wonshik tensing. “Your sister is old enough to have a baby, she’s older than we were when we had Hewon.” 

“Still, she’s single, she broke up with that asshole ages ago.” Wonshik huffed a little. Hakyeon sighed, holding his husband close and kissing his lips again. “And why would she not tell me?” 

“I know she broke up with him - but she’s pregnant and I guess with everything with Kihyun, she didn’t want to stress you out any more. She told me because I’d been pregnant before and she had a few questions.” 

“Yeah?” Wonshik sighed a little, at least Hakyeon had been able to look out for his little sister. “She’s doing ok right? And that guy had best not be back in her life.” 

“She’s fine Wonshik - she is so much better than fine and as far as I know he’s not back in her life - but she needs you to support her, ok, don’t get all mad at her for getting pregnant. Just show her you love her, and she will be beyond happy.” 

As it got closer and closer to the surgery date it became clear that it conflicted with Haewon's first ballet recital. Hakyeon and Wonshik divided their time between the hospital and home, they tried to keep things as normal as possible for Haewon. But they were aware at the same time that their daughter was more aware than they had originally thought. Wonshik had decided to stay with Kihyun while Hakyeon went to the recital, ballet meant more to Hakyeon so it only made sense, but that didn't mean that Wonshik wasn't sat there wondering how he little girl was going to get on.

Wonshik looked up when Hongbin walked into the hospital room. "Why are you here?" Hongbin said quietly, "he's in surgery and he will be for hours." Hongbin sat down next to Wonshik, "You know Haewon's recital is today. She's got a solo." 

"I know, Hakyeon has been going on about it. She's the youngest girl in the ballet school ever to get a solo. Younger than Hakyeon was when he got his first solo. And I've been spending weeks learning magical things about ballet, like out of all girls who want to dance it's very few who ever become prima ballerinas, and that _my_ daughter has this natural talent for ballet - I mean obviously she gets it from Yeon but she's _so_ talented and she's still so young. She's always begging Hakyeon to show her more, she has this love for ballet that might even rival Hakyeon's." 

"Why aren't you going?" 

"I have a ticket, but Kihyun's surgery so I offered." 

"Wonshik, _go._ Trust me I saw the dress rehearsal and you need to see her dancing. You need to see just how beautiful your daughter is on stage. Kihyun is not going to be out of surgery for a long time and I will stay here - I will wait and I will text you if I get any news. The second a doctors comes out of that theater, I will hound them until they tell me how Kihyun is."

"But your sons..." 

"Jimin is at the back of the corps de ballet and Jikyung isn't dancing, he's too young." Hongbin said with a laugh, "Who'd have thought we'd both know what this all meant. I saw the rehearsal, I have been to every single practice and every single rehearsal, and I know that Hakyeon and Haewon need you to go. You will never get the chance to see her first ever solo again." Hongbin looked at the other "oh and I brought you a change of clothes so you're going."

Hakyeon smiled at Wonshik when he took his seat next to his husband in the dance hall. Hakyeon held Wonshik's hand tightly as they watched. Wonshik couldn't believe just how composed his daughter was, she danced with the grace of the dancers who were older than her and with a poise that was well beyond her years. He couldn't quite believe that this was the life that he had created with Hakyeon. This was his greatest achievement, his daughter, her talent. He couldn't believe that he had made a little person who had more talent than her body could hold.

*-*-*-*-*

Wonshik smiled when he woke up to his five year old daughter and four year old son jumping on the bed, full of life, telling him excitedly that they were supposed to be going to the zoo today. Wonshik laughed pulling both children close for a hug, Hakyeon too was holding them, a real family. Finally everything was settled, everything was perfect. There was nothing more that Wonshik could ask for in his life.

Hakyeon made pancakes while Wonshik dressed the kids and got ready so they could eat breakfast and be ready to go as soon as possible. Wonshik got up to answer the door and smiled at Hongbin who had brought round Jimin and Jikyung, Wonshik and Hakyeon were going to be bringing these two as well on their trip to the zoo. Hongbin's wife was pregnant for the third time and was once again having difficulties. But Hongbin was still always there for Wonshik and Wonshik was always there for Hongbin, this bond was unbreakable.


End file.
